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My sister in law wants to adopt a baby. I told her that I would get pregnant so she could adopt it. I there any werid legal stuff that I need to be aware of ? I live in texas and she lives in north carolina.

My sister in law wants to adopt a baby. I told her that I would get pregnant so she could have a baby. Is there any tricky legal stuff I should know about before I try to get pregnant? I live in Texas and she lives in North Carolina.

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JTALmommy0917

Asked by JTALmommy0917 at 4:09 PM on Jun. 18, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (18)
  • Oh I am sure that there are TONS of legal issues you would have to go through. I would call and ask an adoption agency or a custody lawyer. You are a very brave women to do such a thing. Are you considering surrogacy or one of your "own children" your egg, etc? Good luck to you.
    Mimomof3boys

    Answer by Mimomof3boys at 4:30 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • I would think that each of you should have an attorney that specializes in adoption. They would be able to answer any questions and point out any sticky situations. How very generous of you to consider helping your sister in law!
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 5:17 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • This is a very selfless act that you are considering. I would recommend that you seek counseling as mother's often times become bonded with their babies prior to the birth and you may not really understand how that may affect you to ensure that this really is the best thing for you too!!
    sjmookie

    Answer by sjmookie at 6:56 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • you should definitely look into the effects that adoption has on natural mothers -- the potential consequences. www.birthmothers.info has some listed. and remember, that this is YOUR baby and if YOU decide to keep that baby, it is your legal right. that should be understood by both you and your sister-in-law, in case you hold that baby in your arms after the birth and want to take him/her home first before making any decisions (the prudent thing to do, as it takes at least 6 weeks to recover from birth).

    there are lots of people who will tell you that this is noble and heroic, but plenty of adult adoptees feel incredibly hurt, angry and rejected for having been "given away". Read "The Primal Wound" by adoptive mother Nancy Verrier. Even children of donor eggs and sperm often have HUGE identity issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • At least in the state of Colorado, if you relinquish a baby for adoption, you have to undergo a minimum of 10 hours of counseling after the fact, so you may want to look into that while researching the laws in the two states. And do just that. Research everything in both states.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 11:46 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Just be careful that terms such as "natural mother" and "given away" are not terms that you use, as these are not adoption-friendly terminology.

    You would be the biological, birth, or firstmother of the child once you relinquish your parental rights. (Different states have different dates.) When you have relinquished your rights, you no longer have legal ties to the child.

    Also, consider the biological father. Would he be someone whom you know or would you use a sperm bank or your sister's husband's sperm. If he is someone whom you know, you will want to consider what his reaction will be as well once the baby is born. Will HE also want to parent the child?

    I have four sisters and three of them offered to carry a child for me. Of course, I was honored, but I wouldn't have been able to ask one of them to actually do that.

    Good luck. If you follow your heart and do what feels right, you are fulfilling your destiny
    alexmomma2007

    Answer by alexmomma2007 at 11:49 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • "Just be careful that terms such as "natural mother" and "given away" are not terms that you use, as these are not adoption-friendly terminology."

    there is nothing wrong with these terms and in facts they are terms that weren't created to window-dress adoption and make adoptive parents "feel better". sorry, but the mother still has a natural emotion bond to her lost child. she is still a mother, not a former mother or a mother for breeding purposes only.

    it honors the mother who gave birth to call her the natural mother, as adoption is not natural but a socially-created legal institution. don't white-wash it as being "normal" or "natural."

    using "birth terms" misleads mothers into thinking they can walk away from their babies after birth with no emotional ties or consequences. in the vast majority of cases, this is not the truth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • All I have to say is adoption is different now compared to adoption 20 30 years ago. And how it's viewed by others as you can see from 2 of the above post. Adoption is natural for the adoptive parents as this child will grow in their heart and the desire to have a child just dosen't go away. If you are able to carry them or not they are the children of the parent who raises them. As biomothers do feel pain after giving birth some less then others. My sister in law carried my son for us but he didn't have the ties to her he was IVF of hubby and I. But she just didn't attach to the child like she did to her own bio children. She always spoke about the baby she was carry as her nephew. Yes she did have to explain to others all the time but by doing so she opened eyes to others around her. The gift that you are about to give is the most wonderful thing you can do for another women. It's one of the hardest things to do but at the same time best thing to do.
    ilovepolkadots

    Answer by ilovepolkadots at 5:18 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • i think if you used one of her eggs you would have less hoops to jump through because its "hers"
    there may be more emotional side affects if its one of your eggs but kudos to you
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 5:33 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I would suggestion that ya'll hire an attorney and sit down together with him/her to ask questions and figure out how it all works. I do also suggest the counsling that many surragates take both before, during and after. Of course there will be pain but for many women who go into the situation KNOWING before they are ever even pregnant that the baby belongs to someone else it is not as difficult as mother's who find out that they are preggers and then decide out of an extreme love for their baby that they will give the baby up for adoption.

    If it's right for both of you than so be it! Don't let anyone talk you into or out of doing this. Do what is right for you. A lot of people have really strong opinions on this so do YOUR OWN research! GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU!
    miasmommy21407

    Answer by miasmommy21407 at 10:50 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

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