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What do I tell my son when he wants to call his dad?!?!

My son will be 6 next month. His dad apeared into his life when he wa 2 1/2, and that lasted less than a year. Unfortunatly he still remembers, talks about him all the time, and sometimes wants to call and talk to him. When he first fell off the face of the earth I would try to call but it just made my lil man more upset when he didnt answer or return the calls. He has decided he wants no contact. His choice. So at this point even if he wanted to be around he would have to get through me 1st, I wont let my son go through that again.
Anyway, yesterday my son wanted to call and talk to his daddy. I have no clue what to tell him as to why. I dont want to bad mouth his "dad" to him, but I dont want to lie either.
Anyone have any GOOD advice?
Thanks

 
mommymeg03

Asked by mommymeg03 at 3:39 PM on Jul. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,235 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • First of all, HUGE HUGS to you and your little boy! I've gone through the same thing with my oldest girl. I ended up putting her in counceling to help her deal with it because I couldn't do anything to make him acknowledge her. The counseling did help. I only wish I would have sent her sooner instead of waiting until she started acting out. She's 13 now, and has decided that he's an idiot and doesn't want anything to do with him, he called her 2 times last year, but he missed that boat a long time ago.
    As mom's we can't bad mouth our children's father, but a counselor can say what ever they need to in order to help the kid learn that it's not their fault, and the adult is the one in the wrong.
    GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • Just tell him the truth. It seems as if his dad has made the choice not to be involved in the best thing that has every happned to YOU. That's not bad mouthing. It's the truth. leave it at that. if he asks why, you dont know why. If he gets upset, it's okay. he can talk to you about it.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:43 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • My daughter does the same thing. Wants to talk to him or see him. I tell her the truth. Daddy dosen't want to see you or call you. It's a sad truth & yes it makes her sad & makes her cry. But I make sure to let her know that I'm always here for her. And I'll never leave her like daddy did.
    jfblaine

    Answer by jfblaine at 3:45 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • I would never say Daddy doesn't want to see YOU. My mom was in this situation when I was your DD age. And she told me that my daddy was mad a t her and that that is why he doesn't call. That way it was about her and not about hurting me.
    Please don't tell him daddy doesn't want to see or talk to him it will only make him wonder what is wrong with him to make daddy leave and not love him anymore. If you say that daddy is mad a t you then he won't feel bad about himself. Tell him you have apologized to daddy for fighting with him and that hasn't stopped being mad at the fight.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 4:23 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • I am not in that situation so I can't give any personal experience but it seems mean and hurtful to tell a child 'Daddy doesn't want to talk to you'. I would try something more along the lines of. 'I don't know how to call daddy anymore.' or 'I don't really know where Daddy is or how to call him I'm so sorry. Is there something you want to talk to (insert family member or friends name here) about? I bet they would love to hear about what you have been up to!' When he is older you can go over the whole course of events and it may be easier to handle...I am so sorry for every family that ever has to go through this...
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:45 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • I am not in that situation but I would not want to say to my child "daddy does not want to talk to you/see you" cause I think then the child would wonder 'what is wrong with ME? What did I do to drive him away and make him not want me?'. I think it would be best to say something like 'I am sorry but I don't know how to contact him. ' Then when your son gets older explain that some men just are not daddy material, they don't want to settle down and have a family. It is something Wrong with THEM not with you.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 5:45 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • Just tell him you don't know how to get in touch with him. It's odd that a child that young would still be pushing to talk to dad if he's been gone that long. Do you have a dad or brother or uncle who can do guy things with the child? Replace dad with another male role model.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • I would tell him that you don't know how to call him. Tell him you tried to call the old number and that daddy has moved and forgot to tell you his new number. Don't tell him that daddy doesn't want to see him because that will translate to daddy doesn't want him. And I know that is ultimately the truth, but he is just to young to hear that.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 6:23 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • the truth. Yes it is hard, but he will remeber what you said. Don't say that "he doesn't want to talk to you"... sounds like the simple truth is that his father doesn't know how to be a father. Make sure that you son knows that it has nothing to do with him. That he is a wonderful person and that any man would be lucky to be his father, but that his father has chosen not to be a dad. Let him know how much you love him. Some people can't love others, because they simply don't know how to step outside of themselves and truly love.

    I think another thing you need to do, is find an adult male figure that you can trust, maybe a grandpa or uncle who can take your son and spend one on one male bonding time. Someone who can step up to the plate and be the male role model your son is craving.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 7:19 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

  • *I wont tell hiim daddy doesnt want to see you - he's young and that's mean
    *no fam around, buth there are men in the church that hang out with him some to try to be that man role model for him
    *I wish I could say I dont know how to call him, but he's smart enough to know better

    thanks guys
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2009

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