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I think my husband's having an affair.

He went home today drunk. He said all the horrible words about me and my son. Well, i fought back obviously. I won't be a doormat for all his horrible words. He always does that when he's drunk. Anyway, I check on his cell which was on bed. I opened it up and read all these sexual messages from women. Asking how he is, what happened the time they were together, and sending love messages. Honestly, this is not the first that happened. It happened before last year and I still remember the cellphone number. They are still together. I think they've been seeing each other. Do i kick him out? I kicked him out of the house the first time but he wouldn't go. Now, I've been thinking real hard. If only I'd caught them in the act!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Jul. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • hunny those texts are proof enough, my fil is going through the same thing right now, forward the text to your email, print them and head for a lawyer!!!!!!
    rebel07

    Answer by rebel07 at 9:17 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • OP here:

    Should I talk to him first? Well, I did talk to him the first time. He even got angry and started pointing at me for all of my misgivings. This was the night before the two of us went for a vacation. As I was packing his things, I looked at his cellphone and that was the time I read all the messages, he was right there, right infront of me. And he denied them point blank. Did he think I'm stupid? I was not alright and I'm never going to be all right in this marriage.


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Why do you want to catch him in the act? Do you really want those images burned in your brain? You've already caught him. He's a drunk asshole and he cheats on you and lies. Sorry... why are you pondering not leaving him??
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:37 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • It's time for you to make a decision..Stay with him..Or leave him. What he is doing is not going to end.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:44 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • You have all the proof you need. It's up to you to face the truth and to make the difficult decision, either way. He doesn't seem willing to be honest to you, so any future that will come of you two given his current actions, does not seem positive.
    preggoandfat

    Answer by preggoandfat at 9:55 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • It sounds like you don't want to accept the truth. "Since he didnt leave when I tried to kick him out, maybe he wasn't cheating and wants to be with me." Or "Well, he's not cheating if I didn't catch him in the act...right?" Sexual text message. Come on. You have all the proof you need. Have you ever heard the old saying "if it quacks like a duck..."? Catching him will only make it worst for you...an image that will burn in your brain and heart forever. Unfortunately, since cheating men think they can get away with anything, he will come up with some BS to explain the situation. Even if you catch them naked in bed. I agree with the above answers. You have your proof. Now, what are you going to do?
    starwildchild

    Answer by starwildchild at 10:04 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I hate to say this - but it doesn't sound lie there is anything to save here. He does not respect you the way you deserve to be respected. He is not doing right by your child by a) treating you so terribly and b) talking about you and your child in such a way. Do not allow him to blame you for his unforgivable behavior. I don't care what your short comings are it does not justify his affair nor does it justify his poison words. This man sounds TOXIC. You and your child will be better off and healthier with out him. You don't deserve that!! You're better than him!
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:10 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • definitely leave... I don't know you but ANYONE deserves better than that!!!
    Brookes_Mommy

    Answer by Brookes_Mommy at 10:26 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I can't believe u really asked this question... Anyone in the world knows that u should have left his ass the first time!!! Trust me if my man ever did that his ass wouldn't even have been alive to do it a second time!! I'm not crazy but u r, for giving him a second chance!! I bet if the tabels were turned he wouldn't have even hesitated on leaving you!! And plus he be drunk and makeong you feel worthless that's mental abuse u def don't need that and neither does your son... Cuz if he hearsur husband saying it, he might pick up on it... Try and avoid that as much as possible!!! Pls leave him while you can!!
    Mamicela87

    Answer by Mamicela87 at 11:06 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • my sons father was doing the same thing.. except he was smart enough to erase them. I knew that he cheated and he admitted it to me.. and it sounds like hes not just having sex with random women, he is seeing the same girl for a year or so.. so that means there is emotional attachment going on. I always said, if only if only, i just have to catch him, then i will be done. its hard to end something with someone you care about and love so much without searching for something dramatic to give you a reason to do it.. because you're afraid if u dont have concrete evidence to show him that you know, you feel you may take him back, thats how i felt. I would tell him about it and tell him that you can't handle the stress n drama and you shouldn't have to. Men with alcohol problems who are drunk all the time cannot make faithful decisions anywho, he needs to get serious or get out, and you can't belive his word.
    MickeysMom19

    Answer by MickeysMom19 at 12:36 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

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