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marriage help.

as a renewed christian, i find myself struggling between God and my husband. he goes to church and has changed but it like he listens but doesnt hear. it doesnt click you have to change you have to learn you have to grow you have to obey. i have ideas and he will go along but only in a do what your mother says attitude not what we want attitude. i want him to be the spiritual leader in the house but im just so ready to give up on him. hes so stuck and comfortable in his own ways. i feel like hes holding our whole family back from a full christian life, and i feel like he is draining all my hope. i feel like im holding us all afloat. and im drowning what do i do. ive been praying i feel like hes sucking all my goodness away all my trying away! i am a christian so i would really like people to keep that in mind when answering even if you dont believe. thank you.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:09 AM on Jul. 6, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (13)
  • maybe he's not ready to be the spiritual leader..you are! there's nothing wrong with that, mom. ideally, scripturally, the man is to be the spiritual leader; your's isn't in that 'season'. so, its your job. keep doing what you do, lead the family. perhaps by example and actions, your dh will be drawn into the 'team leader' position. you can't change him; you can lift him up in prayer, and support him. is he a xtian (only assuming this is your religion)? if so, he may still be taking babysteps and learning, where you have passed that stage, and ready to jump off the high dive, so to speak. why does he not want to be involved in the church you have become involved in? was it a joint decision, or did you pick it? unity should be the key. one-sidedness in a marriage often results in bitterness..let him lead, and pick up the slack where he doesn't. pray his heart be open to leadership. love him, and he'll 'man-up' b4 you know it.
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 9:19 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I don't think you should leave him over religion. You could become the spiritual leader of the home if it is important to you. It speaks volumes that he is attending when He does not really hold a lot of faith. He is most likely doing it for you. If so that is a lot of love to through away because he does not have as strong of faith as you. Maybe after a while your faith will rub off on him. If it does not though but he still keeps going to try to be with you and make you happy than I think that says a lot about how much he values you relationship. Neither you nor he can force himself to have a stronger faith it is just something that can not be forced. Him trying to do it though is a huge step on his part.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:20 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • this is how i feel. say your building a house. you get the plans (the bible) you have the passion a joy of building this house ( because of God ) then you stat to build. your doing good but your partner is just throwing up rotting wood. the house crumbles. so you rebuild. im so tired of rebuilding. he says he wants the same thing as me we read books but its like he doesnt apply it. and hes only been a christain for 2 years so i know hes behind me. i know hes come along way so why do i feel this way? i dont want to do all of the work i want a team to build that strong house that will stand againt winds storms and hurricaines. im just so stressed i feel defeated in so many ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • God teach us in His Word that if the spouse is willing to accept you even when he or she disagree or is not fully commited to it yo should not leave him.
    My advise? Pray for him constantly, be his example of a woman who trust God and most importantly show him respect, when you respect him you will win his atention and devotion to you and then let God and the Holy Spirit do the rest.
    And remember a christian life is trusting God not helpin God, He doesn`t need our help He can work on your husband Trust Him and you will see marvelous things, but remember Trust God no mater how long it takes. Your husband is being sanctified through you so do not give up on him God promise for you is " you and your family will be saved " Grab that promise and never let it go and again pray constantly God listens all the time.
    Vero529

    Answer by Vero529 at 9:36 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • what if he does something that doesnt deserve respect. what if it goes against what God says? this is my battle. vero529?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Read 1 Peter 3:1-6. Hardly ever do a husband and wife mature spiritually at the same rate. I think that God often gets to the heart of the wife first, maybe just because we are of a more sensitive spirit. Also, I think that the Bible teaches that a big part of faith is seeing things that aren't as though they are. So, in the case of your husband's spiritual leadership, you can by faith see him in that role and respond to him as if he were doing everything just right. It's a hard thing to do, but we can rely on God's divine enablement through the power of His Holy Spirit, and we can do it. When we fail to honor our husbands as God has commanded, we need to confess and repent of our failure to do so. It is so easy to point our fingers at our spouses and say that they aren't doing what they are supposed to do, when all the time we aren't doing what we are supposed to be doing either. God wants to help us with this.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:42 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • thank you all. i guess i just needed a reality check. he loves me i love him i need to be the wife God wants me to be and trust that God will be shown through me and i know he will love God the way i do. i just get so impatcient sometimes. thank you all so much i feel renewed for a new day :D
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I have a word of caution, though. Don't try to push him. I know you are trying to help him to be a better Chrsitian, but in the end, if you push to hard, you may end up pushing him away from God instead of towards. I have always believed that religion (no matter which one you choose or follow) should be one you come to on your own. No one should (or can really) force you to believe something that just doesn't ring true to you. Let him take his time and "find" himself in his new found religion. It sounds as if you are ready to be the leader until your husband is ready to step up to that role. Allow him that time to find himself.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 10:41 AM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I agree with Spiritguide. Don't push him. That's God's job. Pushing him might end up in pushing him away from you AND God.

    There is nothing wrong with a woman being the spiritual head of her home. I am the spiritual head of mine. I am a very spiritual person (Christian) and my husband is an indifferent Christian Agnostic. He lets me take the lead because there are things I know and understand that he admits he won't understand and probably doesn't care to. I will spiritually nuture my children in whatever way they need; I cannot hold them and myself back for my husband's personal preferences. He is no less a child of God for being the way that he is than any of the rest of us are. Pray for him. God will give him zeal if he was meant to have it. Some of us have different spiritual gifts; perhaps this is your call to leadership? Take it.

    Good luck! :-)
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:55 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I think everyone can relate to having relationship issues because you feel like you are taking something more serious than your partner and it almost feels like they are making the problem worse. I know I get that way with my SO and how he interacts with our children, but maybe you two could sit together and talk about it. I know that helped a lot when I sat down with my SO and said ok this is hugly important to me and it just seems like it is not as imprtant to you. He pointed out things that he did that he thought was imprtant in regards to the children and things I maybe did not see as important that he was doing, but when looking at it from another point of view it could be seen as really imprtant. Maybe you and your husband can have the same kind of talk in regards to your faith. Maybe he feels he is helping and it is just things you do not see or do not recognize as important because you have diffrent priorities cont
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 4:11 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

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