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Would you put your severely disabled child in a personal care home?

I have a 4 1/2 yr old with severe brain damage since birth. He is totally dependent on us for absolutely everything. He is like a newborn in the body of a large child, but at least a newborn fusses when they are hungry or wet, TJ doesn't. He is on O2, a monitor & tube feedings + a large number of other serious medical conditions that come along with brain damage. We love him to death & would give our lives for him. However, there have been others who have told us that he should be in a "HOME" to which we respond that he IS in a home, HIS HOME. I believe that as wonderful as some of those places can be, TJ just would not receive the degree of personal care & attention that he does in his own home. Just curious, what would you do?


Asked by TJSMOM91804 at 2:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2009 in Kids' Health

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Answers (24)
  • Hun No you can do this my aunt did it for 15 years until her daughter died she had severe Cerebral palsy and was totally dependent on her mom and dad. I know if my aunt can do it anyone can just think about how some people get treated in those kind of homes at least in your home you know he's safe. My cousin had seizures all the time but was a very special little girl. I know you can do it don't put that poor child in a home. If you ever need anything or someone to talk to pm me. I also want to tell you you are one HELL of a woman I know a lot of people would have given up long ago.


    Answer by aubrees_mommie at 1:22 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • i'm with you on this one, as long as you can take care of him yourself, then he's better off with you

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 2:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I would love to say, no I wouldn't but if I felt the care would be better and that I "couldn't handle it" anymore. Then, I would.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I want to add I comend you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I would care for my child in my home for as long as I was able, both financially and physically.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 3:00 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I do not know for sure because I am not in the position. God bless you and your son, you know what's right for him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • As a nurse who has worked in years past in those 'hjomes'. Don't do it. Not as long as you have an ounce of strength to do it yourself. It isn't that staff is 'bad'...only overworked with far too high patient to nurse ratios. Nurses do bond with some patients but it is a poor substitute for the love he is surrounded with in your home. I know how incredibly hard the job of fulltime caregiver is...hang in there. Have you ever been told about a Respite program? It is where you get to take a break and someone else takes care of him for a week or two. It can be a vital brak to the mental and emotional strain that surrounds you as the primary caregiver.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:07 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • my cousin was severly brain damaged like ur son. she could do nothing. not cry not laugh not move her hands or legs nothing. they put her in a home when she was 4. I never understood why. they had 2 other children and blamed it on them that they had to take care of them too. but those 2 kids were younger then my cousin so it's not like they had to have other kids. She died 7 years old in her home they put her in. she was happy there thou. u could tell she changed because she actually started smiling. she got one on one attention all day long and that is what she needed. she also got 2 surgeries because she was in that home to make her be able to move her legs and arms. if i would do it I don't know but I doubt it.. But I think for my cousin it worked ok. and they came and saw her every day after work. But it gave theire other kids a break too and time to be happy and not always worried about theire sister.


    Answer by foreveryoung84 at 3:16 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I have no idea what I would do. It would depend on so many things, including my physical ability to keep up with the physical demands of caring for the child 24 hours a day and my emotional ability to keep up with those demands too.
    I wouldn't tell someone who was caring for their child to put them in a home. And I wouldn't look down on someone who did put their child in a home. Every situation is different. There is no "right" answer.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 3:45 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I could not answer this unless I were to walk in your shoes. This is a personal decision that only someone living it...can make. I wish you the absolute best, no matter what. Follow your heart and your gut instinct.

    Answer by sunnymom3 at 4:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2009