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Please tell me why a woman goes back to an abusive man...

My friend just went back to her abusive husband last night, against my advice and the advice of others. She says she loves him still... and I just can't understand. He nearly choked her to death! But now he's saying he was just trying to stop her from leaving, and because he was drunk he "didn't know what he was doing". I told her that's BULLS**T... but she says she can't take the stress of leaving with their 3 kids.
WHY WHY WHY do women make excuses for someone hurting them?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Because usually the woman is put down 24/7 and told that no other man would want her and crap like that and after hearing it for so long, they believe it.

    Answer by IhartU at 3:02 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I don't know either.. I read posts like that on this forum all the time. I'd rather be alone. But yes, generally, women who are attracted to abusive men are typically weaker, submissive women, who've had some form of abuse their whole life and feel this is love. Fear keeps them in the relationship. Fear of being alone. Fear of be unloved. Abusive men are very manipulative and convince them they love them, they'll change and they're sorry until they do it again and again. It's a very sad cycle. I hope your friend makes it out. Maybe you can call some of the abuse hotlines and get some information to help her.

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 3:10 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • insecurity.. its so sad...

    Answer by VictinaG at 3:14 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • A lot of women who are beaten (also beaten down) don't have the experience or the skills to jump into the work force at a level to live on their own. It's the fear of the unknown of the outside world that keeps them inside an abusive relationship.

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 3:26 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • But how much farther can it go? He has broken her nose before (and cried for days, telling her he was sorry and felt like such and a**hole), this time he nearly killed her... and the cops didn't do hardly anything! They asked her what happened, took pictures of the marks on her neck, and took him to jail. But they released him as soon as he sobered Isn't there a point where it shouldn't be up to her anymore?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Because they dont think they can do any better or deserve any better. Because there scared whats going to happen to them. There scared they will have no place to go, worried about buying food and clothes for them and there children. They dont want to take there children away from the house they grew up in. They have no family support, lots of reasons I guess

    Answer by andrea_smkns at 7:34 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • They get conditioned. It's like a child who defends their abusers and then becomes abusers themselves. They're conditioned to accept it as normal. Have you ever read anyone write on here "well I was spanked and I turned out fine" in defense of them spanking their children? It's the same concept. They're conditioned by their abusers to accept it and defend them and their actions.


    Answer by Chrissy629 at 9:14 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

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