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Is it wrong to hate your ex?

I'm happier than I've ever been with my SO, but a few months ago I found out that the guy I was with before him cheated on me and lied constantly. I still have a lot of pent up anger towards him and I think it's because I found out after we broke up and he moved away so I never got a chance to confront him. I'm not about to call him and yell at him because I found out after not talking to him for months. I just feel like I shouldn't be so angry because now I have a great man. Have you ever felt this way?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Jul. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I think it's fine that you feel that way. He betrayed you, and just b/c you're happy now doesn't mean that that betrayal doesn't hurt. Hell, I still hate my ex, and I am with a wonderful guy who treats me like a queen and my sons like little princes. I should really thank my ex b/c now I have this great guy, but I still hate him. Just don't let your hatred for him poison your new relationship, and you'll be fine.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:18 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • YES! My babys father walked out on me when I was 4 months pregnant. Im only 5 now but it was about a month ago and I just found out that her was living with another girl the whole time I was pregnant with his son!!!! I AM LIVID! But there is nothing I can really do about it but bitch and moan. I dont have a new man but he has had a new GF since I got pregnant with his freaking kid! Your not alone. I will still hurt after a long time even if you have someone new. The best thing to do is not to confront him because he might just feed you more lies about himself! GL!


    It will be OK!


    Answer by Alysia_Moore at 9:19 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • WHEN you find something out does not diminish to affect it has on you. It's okay to be angry, but like you said - there's no point in calling him up to confront him about it now. This isn't really about the cheating, but about the dishonesty and finding out NOW that what you thought was the whole of your relationship wasn't it at all. It's still betrayal. It's kinda like finding out that your sister slept with your man 15 years ago - the past may be the past- but it doesn't become past until it's brought to light to be dealt with. See where I'm going? Your feelings are normal. Work through them, don't take his infidelity and inability to honest out on your SO - and move on. You may have to move slowly at first, but as long as you don't let yourself get stuck in this mud hole, you will be okay eventually. I'm sorry you had to find out about that- sometimes what you don't know, you don't ever need to know.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:36 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Hate and anger are an emotion. They come from passion, and if you cannot let it go...then you probably still have feelings for him. I would do some soul searching about this...and take it from there. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • No, it isn't wrong. My ex was horrible, I couldn't wait for the marriage to end. He died last week from his constant drugs and alcohol, I don't feel bad at all. I used to hate him because he didn't want anything to do with the kids until I realized they are much better off without him. My daughter wanted his dog, I hate that thing. It's the only dog I haven't liked since I began working with them 30 years ago.

    Answer by LoriW at 9:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • The past is in the past. It's ok to hate what someone did to wrong you but accept that it happened and be grateful he's gone. The more you think about the x and what he did the more power and control you are still giving him over your life and cheating the great new guy out of positive energy from you. Pick a deadline for yourself to get over it. Write it down and burn it if that helps but find a way to leave the past in the past and enjoy the now

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:56 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

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