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Paternal grandparents bullying baby's mother...what to do?

1. Mother has no vehicle and lives far from paternal grandparents.
2. Paternal grandparents have transportation and have been in the mother's city on many occasions, but chose not to request to see the grandchild.
3. Paternal grandparents are telling other relatives that the mother is keeping the grandchild from them, and the relatives are sending letters to the mother saying that the grandparents have a right to see the grandchild (at the grandparents house).The letters go on to say that the mother is depriving the child of a relationship with her grandparents and extended family (paternal side of the family).

The mother is feeling bullied, and doesn't know what to do. Her family lives 3000 miles away.

The baby's father (the grandparent's son) is siding with the mother, yet feels like he should stay out of it, feeling that he's "in the middle".

Any advice?

** Mother is not married to the baby's father.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Jul. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I would send all the letters back Return to Sender, the relatives do not belong in the situation.
    Then I would write a long letter to the paternal grandparents and possibly (depends on price) post it in their hometown newspaper for all to see! I know that can get expensive, but I would do my best to make sure as many people as possible saw what you were writing to them.
    You can only be bullied if you allow it to occur. Baby's father needs to stand up for the baby's mother, the baby and most of all himself. He's in the middle of it already because they are his parents! If anything, the baby's mother shouldn't be in the middle of it. If the letters continue, I would file harrassment charges.

    Answer by Lesli at 10:23 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • If the child's father agrees with the mother of his child, he needs to step in between and take care of the problem. It's HIS family, HIS responsibility. By stepping aside, it just puts the mother in the position of being the bad guy, and that's not fair. If things were the other way around, wouldn't he expect her to deal with her own family?


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 10:18 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • call them up tell them to come by let them know what is a good time for you call them in front of babies Daddy... be genuine people can tell when youre FOS :) end it there... if they come explaint to them you do not appreciate the rhetoric and that they may visit as often as they'd like based on YOU AND YOUR BABY'S schedule..... if thats not good enough TS

    Answer by MELRN at 10:19 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Move closer to YOUR family...

    Answer by ormom1977 at 10:20 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Depending on where you live, there are such things are Grandparent's Rights. I know in Indiana, there are Grandparent's Rights in wed-lock, divorce, or death situations, but the grandparents have to have already had an established relationship with the child. However there is nothing that states WHEN AND WHERE the child has to see the grandparents. Meaning they cannot demand you to take the child to THEIR house. If they want to see the child than they can come to you...and they will onyl have a case against you if you don't allow them to come to your home to see the child. And since you do not have a car (I'm going to assume the mother you are talking about is you) or a reasonable way of transportation to and from the grandparents house, that is even more of a reason why they must come to you if they want to see the child. If they don't want to, than that's their problem not yours. They have no case.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 10:22 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • I wouldn't even open the letters from them, just send them back. It is the son's place to step in and deal with it. Tell them (in front of their son) that they are more than welcome to stop in at anytime and leave it at that.

    Answer by nikkileerue at 10:31 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • suggestions 1. mother herself shouldn't open mail any more. 2. baby's father and baby's mother should go into joint counselling to get backbone together as baby's parents deciding how to handle this. 3. get caller id and mother herself shouldn't answer their calls or any private call or unknown callers or anonymous callers. 4. they can bully you the most when you let them. if you feel threatened document every thing and call police but be sure to have a witness and documentation with you. 5. if you absolutely must meet with the grandparents for them to have a 'relationship' with baby then do it only in a public place like a mall restaurant. 6. be sure to keep your cool under fire and let them be the angry ranting raving idiots. 7. do not let them walk you to or from your car, they can threaten you privately doing that. 8. park as close to store as possible for store cameras safety if necessary and only in daylite.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Tell her to tell them they can come visit the baby in HER HOME anytime they want to make plans to make sure it's convenient for her. Tell bd to grow some balls. It's his family. he should deal with them

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:02 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • Baby's father needs to grow a set of 'nards and stand up to his parents. He needs to be told that he has made his choice - the baby and the child's mother and he needs to get his priorities straight.
    Grandma needs to be told that there's a new queen bee in her son's life and it's not her!
    Baby's mother will always feel insufficient, no matter what she does and the grandparents obviously see a weakness and are pouncing on it. I agree about the mail - mark it "return to sender" and maybe they'll get the message (if not, they never will).
    Misery loves company and his family sounds like a bunch of creeps if they're jumping on this hateful bandwagon without a front row witness seat.
    Hang in there, make some friends - it will be easier when the child starts school (that's how I met most of my friends). Find something to lose yourself in and hang onto that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Jul. 6, 2009

  • "and the relatives are sending letters to the mother saying that the grandparents have a right to see the grandchild (at the grandparents house)"

    send all those relative a letter back saying that you are happy to let them see the baby but that you do not have a car and you can not WALK to the grandparents house... tell them if they want to see the baby they need to drive to the baby's house to have their visit. Ask for volunteers to loan you a car if the Grandparents won't drive to your house. See how many of them will offer up a car, or just shut up about it.

    Put the ball back in their court.... (its kinda like -put up or shut up)


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 3:13 AM on Jul. 7, 2009