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Does a mother who has a son involved with a woman 20 years his senior be left with doubts of her parental skills?

Would it be a different standard for daughters married to older man?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Jul. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • We do what we can to raise our children to be able to get along well in the world. I suspect that I fell down on the job by not exposing the children enough to the ways of the world- that there are mean and lying and cheating people out there. They found out the hard way. And what makes me feel even worse, is that I also had to find out the hard way, so I should have known that I needed to better prepare them. Oh well, water under the bridge. It is normal to wonder if you should have done something different in raising children, but they are adults and they make their own decisions. The age of your child's companion is not something that you had anything to do with.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:47 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • No. Why would parenting come into an adult child's decision on who to marry? As long as the couple are happy and respectful of each other, who cares how old they are? Or I should say how many years are between the couple.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:17 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Is it an abusive relationship? Is the boy underage? If not, then I fail to see the correlation between age and marital happiness. There is almost 10 yrs difference between me and my husband and we get along very well!

    Answer by Emuu at 9:18 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I don't think who a person chooses to romantically share their life with is a reflection on the parents. Older or younger, it's *usually* based on love, common interests, etc., and really doesn't have a whole lot to do with how your parents raised you. Now, if a son or daughter chose to be with someone abusive, and the mother (or father) had been in abusive relationships, then yes, I suppose you could say the mother (or father) maybe didn't do the best job they could.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:19 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Not at all. My mother is currently involved with a 19 year old young man who is amazing. He is younger than me by 3 years and I respect him like he is older simply because he helps support my mother and brother he is there for me like a father. Physical age is nothing compared to mental age. He has the mentallity of a 30 year old maybe even older. He has worked since he was about 12 years old and still does. HE is wonderful with my DD who is 20 months old today(growing sooo fast) He is 10 years younger than my DDs dad. IN fact one night I was very sick and he was home and my mother was at work. He helped me take care of my DD like he was her grandpa. Sat on the couch watching tv with her like my grandpa used to do. He is extreamly mature way more mature than I am and I love him very much and I find NOTHING wrong with it at all. If I liked a man older than my mother she would have no problem.

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 9:24 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Is the son an adult (meaning there are no legal issues involved?) If such is the case- no, I don't think that a mom should feel guilt over who her son chooses to be romantically involved with. I don't think it is based on the parents... I know I certainly did not fall in love with my dh based on my parents and I imagine it is the same for others!

    Answer by Freela at 9:44 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I don't see an issue with that and don't think it would reflect on the parents. My husband's niece got married at 18 to a 30+ year old. He was actually just 3 years younger then my sil (his new mil). It was a good laugh in our family. He always cracked me up by calling me Aunt and my husband, "Uncle" even though he was like 6 years older then us. They were married a few years, had a couple of kids and are now divorced. She remarried a few years ago to an older guy. I guess she just likes them older.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:24 AM on Jul. 7, 2009