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Let me just start of by saying that I don't believe in spanking, and I never will, and no I am not trying to "bash" anyone here for their desicion. I am just curious to hear people's philosophy behind spanking their children. I recently voted in a poll on this site on whether or not to spank, and some of the comments were that as long as you don't physically hurt the child, then it's ok.
Now, here is my question: I don't understand why you would say that if it doesn't hurt them to be spanked, then it's okay to do it. Isn't the whole purpose of spanking to hurt them, so they will learn? If you really do believe that it's okay to spank, as long as you don't hurt them physically, then what's the point? Then you might as well just tell them "no". That's what I do, and I believe it works fine. Please share your ideas and beliefs.


Asked by LilyandEmmasMom at 10:02 AM on Jul. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (15 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • I believe that anyone who thinks spanking doesn't physically hurt needs a spanking -- just to see that what might or might not hurt a parent's hand has nothing whatsoever to do with what hurts a child.

    The problem with spanking, as I see it, is that it doesn't work. Or, rather, that it does work, but not the way people hope it will. Hope is a terrible thing... after a thousand years of proof, people still hope that it is possible to control other people's thoughts, actions or expressions through physical force.

    Spanking hurts children emotionally -- which is much more lasting damage than any physical scars that are created. The stress of being injured (even if it is 'mild-enough' injury to not be considered abusive) by a trusted parent makes physical changes in a child's brain.

    Wouldn't it be nice if that weren't true?

    It is. The damage of traumatic stress impairs development and memory.

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:19 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I think what most of the women were trying to say with the comments about not physically hurting them was that there is a line between spanking and abuse. I spank. I would never use a baddle or spoon or belt... I don't ever leave a hand print and the only think I have ever really hurt is their pride. But it's the only thing that gets through to them. We tried everything else... 1-2-3 Magic, Time Outs, taking their toys... everything, nothing worked. We still only use spanking in situations where nothing else has worked, where we had timed out, removed the toys and talked to them... IF that all fails they get spanked. I personally believe that parents that don't spank and let their kids run the place are doing much worse. I have a freind that doesn't believe in spanking... But her kids don't listen to a word she says. When she puts them in time out they laugh and go outside, she would go get them and they...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:10 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I am one of the parents that believes in spankings for actions that warrant it. There is a difference in spanking and physically hurting a child. Since you don't spank your kids I don't think you know the difference between the two. There is a drastic difference between parenting your child by spanking and beating a child with severe physical harm. The latter is never acceptable.

    You must be so lucky to have children that listen when you tell them "no" every time. For the rest of us who have children that continue to push the envelope will stick with what works for us. Good Luck.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 10:12 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I do believe in spanking and though the point of the spanking isnt to hurt the child, its a characteristic of a spanking. The point is to correct the behavior and provide consequences. The meer fact that it hurts, is just life. I have no problem explaining my discipline methods to anyone and how I do it. I dont expect everyone to agree, but I wont defend myself or debate the issue. First of all, my kids arent babies, so Ive had many years to decide what works and what doesnt and a lot of it has to do with the child, the personality and what their currency is. First, I always warn my children and make sure they know the rules. By the time they have earned a spanking, its no surprise to them. I always accompany a spanking with a long chat before and after. We talk about the offense, why it was wrong and what we should have done differently. When we leave the room, we hug, we kiss and we love. No anger is allowed. JMO

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:13 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • bite and kick her. She has NO CONTROL. My kids on the other hand are to the point now where they know, if they don't sit when they are told, they are getting their butt smacked... But my kids listen 100 times better than hers. They know not to cross me! That's how it should be! The only other time I spank is when they do things that can cause major harm. If they run out in the road or lick an outlet (yes, my son does this). And then I want it to hurt. I want them to associate touching the stove with pain, if they do there is much less of a chance they will burn themselves because they already think Stove = Pain... And it hurts them much less to get spanked than to get burned or hit by a car...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:14 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I do not think at all the purpose of spanking is to hurt a kid!!!!! I don't understand that sentence. I think the purpose of spanking is to swat a behind for it to be felt that's all. I've spanked I've verbally hollered to discipline and the best punishment I've used for behavior issues is choice and stepping. Spanking didn't help to change attitude. It sometimes rarely changed behavior. Hollering commands went unlistened to. Now it's a choice given to my kids verbally to behave and here are different steps of punishment loss of different things for extended time each added misbehavior.

    I used to negotiate behavior too. Man was that a mistake. Now with choice and steps my youngest is better behaved but not perfect. And that's good she's not perfect she's a kid and she's growing. jmo

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I am glad that just telling your kids no works for you. Hopefully as they get older they will continue to be that easy to discipline. Best wishes to you.

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:16 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Sabrina...Amen! Thank you! I have a girlfriend that I choose to not visit as much because her kids act like brats. They are an absolute pain in the ass. The mom gives in to everything, when they misbehave she follows up with a weak "Now you know better. No no no. Don't do that." and within minutes they are back to acting an ass. Since kids learn to bring home bad behaviors from other kids (like daycare) and such, I don't go to see her and I don't let me son play with her kids.

    But she asks me why my son is so well mannered, polite, well's because I spank him when he acts up, I don't put up with back talk and when he is good he gets rewarded. I am not a weak parent when it comes to showing him that I am the adult and he is the child.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 10:16 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • We also believe in spanking. I have never met a child that immediately obeys every time they are told "no". I mean heck, our kids occasionally repeat the action even when spanked. The purpose of spanking is definitely not to hurt them (their pride maybe, but not them) but is only called for in certain situations. The only time we spank our children is if they do something dangerous or that is a common problem. So walking out in the road without an adult, going to play outside without asking a parent, swearing, or anything that is habitual - the biggest thing our kids get a spanking for is lying. But as long as the standard is set, kids often don't even need them once they hit about 5. They learn that certain actions get them spankings so they learn not to do them. I think it helps them to make good choices and teaches them there are true consequences for their actions, so they don't grow up to be spoiled, thinking the world

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • owes them something, and that they can get away with whatever they want.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Jul. 7, 2009