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Fight with Hubby About the Alarm Clock - How to Handle?

Grr. For the past year and a half my so always becomes really grumpy and rude when I set my alarm clock for before he has to wake up. He has tried every tactic including swearing and pleading that I don't wake up before him. He likes to say it's the loudness of my alarm clock, but when I set it on low he has still complained and overall makes me feel really timid about getting up before him! Often I don't get everything done in a day that I need to do because I wait for him to leave before I get up! Today was the first day in a few weeks that I woke up before him and he now believes that I need to never hit the snooze bar if I wake up before him. Although he hits the snooze bar every morning! When I told him I've been afraid to wake up before him he didn't listen. What should I do? Does anyone else have this problem? Is it me? Or is he being selfish?

 
preggoandfat

Asked by preggoandfat at 11:47 AM on Jul. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (161 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • People get very controlling over their sleep fetishes, don't they?

    The fact is, sleeping people are not unconscious and they (all) happily ignore all kinds of things while sleeping, because they don't bother waking up for them. So, from one angle, your dh is choosing to be annoyed about something only he has any control over at all: what he wakes up for. For that, I suggest the following phrase: grow up.

    One gentle and fun thing that you could do is learn to wake yourself up on time, without an alarm. It's a fun party trick, but it's based on the fact that people are naturally capable (and get better at it with training) of accurately judging time. We forget this, now that we have a million clocks all over the place, but we learned to manage time a long tiem before we made devices to measure it.

    It helps to know that sleep cycles are about 45 minutes long, so multiples of that in sleep will make it easier ...|more|
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:03 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • He's being selfish. I don't have advice..sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Tell him that you are going to wake up early whether he likes it or not. If he doesn't like, then he can go sleep in a different room. Put your foot down. That's what I would I do.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 11:56 AM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • He's being selfish, but doesn't see it. I had a similar problem with my hubby...only it was about when he got home from work. SO.... I made a list of everything I needed to accomplish each day of the week and as I completed a chore I'd check it off. If he would start whining about me not "chilling" when he got home, I'd show him the list and tell him to pick half to help me finish more quickly. Some days he helped out and some days he just shut up...
    maybe something similar could help you. Do it on an early wake up day and a late so he can see how much is left "undone".
    KaylasMiracle

    Answer by KaylasMiracle at 12:01 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • ...to select what time to wake. So, for instance, it's easier for most people to wake after 6 hours or 7.5 than it is to wake after 6.5 or 7 hours. Your cycle may be longer or shorter, and you'll only know by experimenting a bit.

    One woman I know says that for whole hours, you tap your head on the pillow the number of times that match (6 for 6am, say), thinking of waking up at that time while you do it, then go to sleep and you'll easily wake on time.

    My mom used to play 'beat the alarm' by finding out how close she could to the time on it when she first opened her eyes in the morning. You could also see how much earlier than the alarm you can wake (2 minutes one day, maybe 10 or 15 another), if that's fun.

    Mostly, you just need to pay attention, and know that sleep involves awareness, not some magical brainless state... and you can wake yourself without needing any outside sounds at all.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:09 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I'm sorry, but she should not have to work around him. She should just tell him how it is.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 12:13 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Why is it only the last year and a half? Did something happen to cause his reactions? How early are we talking and what is his schedule? Those things that aren't getting done, are they hugely important? Those are important questions to ask yourself. What about switching to a different clock or instead of the alarm the radio? Or maybe try setting an alarm clock in a nearby room that you can hear but won't be right next to him? I disagree that you shouldn't try to work things out and find a solution together. Marriage is about compromise and thinking about the other person before yourself. I know that he might not be thinking about you right now, but two wrongs don't make a right. Maybe he just wants to wake up with you in the mornings and doesn't like finding an empty bed. I know that was one of the magical things about being married to me, was to wake, turn and see my DH's face and snuggle up with him for a few minutes. cont.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 12:58 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Or maybe he's worried about your health? How much sleep are you getting? Try to see things from his point of view. He may not be able to vocalize what his real reasoning is. Now if he's trying to control everything else in your lives, then I would put my foot down, but if its just this and its important to him, I would give in. Making my Dh happy is better than a few more chores done around the house.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 1:01 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • LOL...you two are arguing over an alarm clock?? That doesn't seem to be important enough to fight about to me, but to each their own!

    If I was you, I would honor my Husband, and wait to get up with him. I would figure out how to get all my things done in the amount of time that I had. I'm not sure how much earlier you are wanting to get up than your husband needs to, but I'm sure with a little creativity in your day, you can make up that time!!

    But, that would just be me. I leave arguments for the "big" things...which we have not had an argument in YEARS!
    momneedscoffee

    Answer by momneedscoffee at 1:26 PM on Jul. 7, 2009