Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

am i being cold for doing this? should i really forgive

years ago my family really hrt me. my aunt was a drug dealer and i lived with her to take care of her son (he needed osmeone) i ended up taking him out of the house and telling my mother what was going on, and she called the cops...which saved my aunts life (long story) my grandmother flipped out and told me it was all my fault, my aunt physically attacked me and got a gun and was going to kill me (and yes she was in the process of loading it but i ran hella fast) my grandmother did not defend me when this happened, she sided with my aunt. years later, i do not completely forgive them. i forgive my aunt more than my grandma cause i know it was the drugs in her talking (she became a bad addict after he husband shot himself when everyone found out that he tried to rape me)she couldnt handle it and became a BAD addict and in a way, i know it was not her trying to kill was the pain and drugs..but my CONTIN

Answer Question

Asked by moki1984 at 1:33 PM on Jul. 7, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 11 (573 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • GRANDMA just didnt help or side with me cause my aunt is her baby and her youngest the end my grandma is close to dying right now....and i dont care. im ont going to her woudl cost me a lot ofmoney to fly their and i just dont care. im not angry at them.....but the hurt will always somewhat be their. i dont care to forgive and love her again, i will never lose my grandmother again. and my aunt......she's ok to me but i dont really care about her either.

    i was told i should forgive them both etc etc.....but how in the hell do you completely forgive ppl who did this to you? even when i first told and called the cops when my aunts hubby tried to rape me, they ganged up on me and told me to drop th charges cause he was a sick man who needed help and iw as only aking thing worse and they attacked me over it.

    yet ppl are telling me im wrong for not forigving? would you really forgive them?

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:35 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Sometimes forgiveness is not as cut and dry as we would like it to be. It is hard to forgive someone that has wronged you on such a level. Even knowing God's love and forgiveness myself, I have not completely forgiven the person that sexually abused me for ten years. We are only human, and the only one that can grant 100% unconditional forgiveness is God.

    Now I will go back and read the continuation to the post, LOL.

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 1:37 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I would try to forgive them, yes. But that's just me. And i know how hard it can be. My father molested my sister, has never been around for us as well as being a pathological liar and all sorts of BS. i've had bad things happen too and there are two people in this world that i have found that not matter how hard i try i cant seem to forgive them. ...but i still try.

    In any case, have you sense spoken to your grandma about the situation. Some people change. And you never know what she'll be thinking or wishing of things past while lying on her death bed. It's a funny thing what Death can do to people.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:39 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I do not feel that you are wrong - Forgiveness is divine - and there is not one person on the planet that is divine. You have every right to NOT go to the funeral - regardless of your reasons. And for anyone passing judgment on you . . . well, until they have stood in your shoes for one second and felt the pain and the hurt from what you've been through, then they have no right to judge. Perhaps one day, you'll be able to get past it and forgive. Until then, you have to deal with the hurt and the rage in your own way. And anyone who knows your situation should be able to understand that.

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 1:40 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • in some ways i think the pain i hold internally.....makes it hader on me. growing up i was....i was given a lot of harships, trust me that i sonly a small part. but i do think they made me stronger...its damn near imposible to break me now BUT it has also made me VERY non trusting....very stand offish and defensive. and ppl think im a bitch but thats not it. i just cant trust ppl. everyone in my lie i ever loved, has hurt me....exceptfor my husband/child.

    but i just dont know how to forgive ppl who screwed me over so majorly. if they accepted whta they might be easier but they wont acknowledge fully what they did.

    my aunt has supposedly found god now and that is how she is clean from drugs for 3 years...i dont kow if i buy it or not

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:40 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • yes ive talked to both of them. i even went to one of my aunts NA meetings to help support her.

    and in the end i felt really pushed by them, my grandmother just pissed me off. and i feel that if i did get connected again, i would get hurt again. my daughter does not know them.....and i dont want her too. my grandmother is kinda nuts....she's hurt a lot of ppl and shows no remorse.

    i want to at least find some peace about this.....but its hard when the other ppl int he situation wont accept responsiblity for their actions

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:42 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • btwi put this in relgion and not relatipnshops cause forgiveness and all of that...i think it really takes spiritual strength

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:43 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • Forgiving is a very hard step to take. My ex-dh loved to use me as his personal punching bag and even allowed is brother to do the same for 5 yrs. On a cold wintery night in a Jan. so many yrs ago I took a 4 yr and a 4 month old and ran and never looked back.
    Only until these past few yrs have I forgiven him and his brother, why, bc of the Karma that came back onto both... his brother whom hit me also is dead, he my ex, is a cripple and on top of this he has lost 2 additional brothers to death...
    My dh took me over to see him and his brothers before they died and I knew right then and there that what I went thru isn't nothing compared to what he is and has gone thru... tho I have not forgotten and will never forget, I have forgiven...
    So it is up to YOU to see past what you went thru and veiw what their lives have been and decide wither or not YOU can forgive... Don't ever forget that is what makes you stronger inside.

    Answer by gmasboy at 1:51 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • You don't have to forgive them but you should let it go. My moto is let go and let God. You can't control other people you can only control your reaction to them. Just don't let it eat away at you.

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 1:54 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

  • I guess it depends on whether or not you want God to forgive you of your wrongs. The Bible plainly teaches that if we don't forgive others, then God won't forgive us. Forgiveness does not mean that the relationship is restored to what it was before the wrongs happened. It simply means that you release your hard feelings toward the offenders and leave them in the hands of a God who knows exactly how to deal with them. It also frees you from a lot of bitterness, hatred and other emotional baggage that saps your strength and energy. Forgiveness is really just saying that you choose to give up the bad feelings that you have toward those who have wronged you, realizing that you are just as capable of doing what they did or even worse, because we all are and under the right set of circumstances, we would do the same or worse.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:56 PM on Jul. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.