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What is the age difference between your kids? And what are the pros and cons?

My boyfriend and I would like to have another baby. Our daughter is 20 months old. We would like our kids to be close in age. 2 1/2 - 3 years apart. But we worry about our daughter. We feel guilty about wanting another baby because we are so close with her. How would she react to a little brother or sister? and also, How would they react to eachother? Would it be easier in the short or long run to have children that close in age?

Whatever the age difference between your kids, please tell me the pros and cons with them. and your feelings when you were thinking about / expecting/ and have your 2nd child.
Even if your answer is similar to another please respond.

Thank You

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BelloItaliano

Asked by BelloItaliano at 8:15 AM on Jul. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 7 (176 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • me and my sister were 7 years apart so when we were like age 2 and 9 we got along but as i got older i didnt want to be bothered by my sister..now i have kids age 3 and 12 my son was born when my dd was 8 and she was soo happy and she helped me out so much when i needed it. and she loved feeding him holding him help change a diaper. it was great. and now i can ask her hunny can u watch and entertain your brother for 5 mins so i can jump in the shower... and she plays with him mostly cars lol. my dd is a big help when i need her. now i know if i had 2 young ones i would go crazy i feel for women that have young ones close in age or twins i want to help them out just so they can nap lol bless them i couldnt do it, im tired enough now with just 1 small kid. good luck on your decision xo
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My 3 kids are all 2.5 years apart---almost 8, 5, and almost 3. I think once you have the second baby you understand that there is more than enough love for 2 (or more). I was worried like you describe, but when my oldest took right to her brother, would talk, coo, and then make him laugh I knew it was all good!  Having them 2.5 years apart is nice because the older one is not a "baby" anymore, but had that baby time and should be about done with diapers, and able to feed him/herself.  I like that age span.  My oldest was 5 when the youngest was born and she was a great helper.

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 8:44 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My DD's are 51/2 years apart..Pro-one was out of the baby stage before I had the other,,,con--When one graduated high school and moved out,,I still had 51/2 years to go before the other one was ready to leave home

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:51 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My first 2 were 16 months apart. A boy and a girl. They are 8 and 10 now and they fight like crazy but they play together all the time. They have each other at the park and outside. Its funny because they fight so bad until bedtime then ask if one can sleep on the other ones floor cuz they get lonely. My 3rd is a year old so the two older children are a help and play with him alot but they will be too old to want to play kiddie games with him soon. Maybe I should have a 4th! lol
    aeemom

    Answer by aeemom at 10:15 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My kids are 14 months apart. Pros would be that they can easily play together. The cons are that I am now buying diapers for 2 and spending twice as much. Also, it's hard for my lil one to understand the brother is older and can do things he can't...

    My sister and I were 5 years apart... I don't EVER want more kids, but if I did, i would wait at least that long. It was perfect for us, because we lived together but didn't have all the drama that my kids do.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:22 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My first and 2nd are 15 months apart.
    2nd and 3rd are 13 months apart.
    3rd and 4th are 3 1/2 years apart. (and the 4th and 5th would have been 3 1/2 years apart, too, but I lost the baby at 12 weeks).
    I actually preferred the 1 year spacing of my first 3 and had a really hard time adjusting to having my youngest. The older kids were 3 1/2, 4 1/2 and almost 6. The oldest was in school so after being up all night with the baby I had to get her to school. Then I was home alone all day with a newborn, 3yo and a 4yo.
    The only plus was the kids wanted to help with the baby and they did. They even changed diapers (or tried). Now they are 9, 7 1/2, 6 1/2 and 3 and get along great. The older kids look out for the 3yo and do everything for her. The 3yo did her best to grow up as fast as she can and acts like she is 4. She even made herself dinner last night, lol (someone left the food on the table so she made herself a plate).
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:47 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I think it's about personalities. My older brother is six years older than me. My younger brother is 21 months. The older brother was mean to us as kids because he didn't know how else to relate to us. He was just mischievous and did stuff to get a reaction but he went overboard. I fought like mad with my younger brother, to the extent that I wanted to avoid such a close age difference. As it turned out, my oldest is five and a half years older than his brother and sister and they are twins. I couldn't have asked for a better relationship between them all. They just aren't competitive with each other at all. As for the difference between the older one and the younger ones, Matthew just isn't the type to get fun out of irritating anyone. What I thought was about age was actually just about character.
    callmeann

    Answer by callmeann at 11:15 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My 1st and 2nd are 11 months apart
    2nd and 3rd are 2 months apart (not bio have had him since he was very little)
    3rd and 4th are 14 months apart (also not bio and since she was little)
    4th and 5th are 7 years apart
    5th and 6th are almost 3 years apart
    6th and 7th are 26 months apart

    You will have enough love no matter how many kids you have, I also worry about how the youngest will feel when a new one is brought in, but I have never really had any issues. I can't say that there is an easier age gap, they are different but work themselves out. Closer means you are still in baby mode and that has advantages. Further apart means you will have a helper but as they get older the age difference is more noticable.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:36 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My 1st and 2nd are 26 mths apart. They get along pretty well but have their knock down drag outs as well.
    My 2nd and 3rd are 19 mths apart. My middle boy is kind to the youngest but mostly ignores him LOL.

    Lots of that is not age space but personality.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 11:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I have a 9 year old and a 4 month old. Pros: They really get along...big brother LOVES helping to take care of baby sister.I feel like I really had the opportunity to focus all my attention on my son for 9 years and we have many many fond memories. Cons: my son didn't have a sibling playmate his age,after my son is 18 and in college...i'm still going to have another 9 year old at home,lol,i'm a little worried they may not bond as well because of the age difference...but so far so good, my son seems to make a real effort to be very protective of her.
    I had gotten a divorce from my sons father when he was 4,so having another one wasn't an immediate option for me.If I had had a choice...I would have loved to have them about 2 -3 years apart. But were a happy family and thats all that matters. :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:56 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

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