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How do I handle my deceased daughter's boyfriend?

My 22 yr. old daughter died in a plane crash 3 months ago. I am having difficulty handling the way her boyfriend of 7 years is starting to get friendly with other girls. Should I confront him with my knowledge that he is "trying to move on"? I know he will move on, but I am struggling with these feelings of jealousy, hurt that he would try to fill the void so soon.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Jul. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • When my mom died my dad moved on pretty fast too. He was just lonely. It hurts to lose companionship like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you should confront him. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways, and this may be his way. Do you like it? No. Is it appropriate? Maybe not. But you can't dictate to him how he deals with your daughter's death, just as he can't dictate to you how you deal with it. I understand how you feel (as much as I can without ever having been in your shoes), but I think you just have to learn to accept that he is doing what he's doing and you can't do anything about it.

    I am very sorry about your daughter's death.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:14 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Everyone grieves differently. You can never say what is right or wrong for someone else. I say let it go. I was in a pretty big twist after my brother died and his wife began dating 6 months later. Years later I can see I was upset out of grief. Death brings out all kinds of emotions anger, jealousy, is normal. I hope you can find peace in your heart and cherish her memories with love.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:15 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Men tend to "move on" quicker than woman do. He went through alot of pain just like you did. Obviously different pain- but he lost the person he loved for 7 years and he probably planned on marrying her. While I agree- 3 months is quick to move on. But he's coping with pain differently than you. You can't go out and get a new daughter to replace her, but he can "replace" her as in a girlfriend. No girl will ever be able to replace your daugther but another woman can replace that void in his life. Just because he is starting to date again doesn't mean he has moved on, he's just doing what is natural.

    Answer by amy31308 at 11:17 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • You should not confront him. I understand that you are hurt that he is moving on so quickly, but everyone deals with grief in their own way, and nothing good can come of you confronting him about this. (((((hugs)))) and sorry on the loss of your daughter.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:22 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • It's his way of dealing with grief. Don't confront him. Just wish him well. I'm sure your dd would want him to be happy. It's not like he's going to forget her. She will always be with him. Moving on is a healthy thing. I'm sure as a mom you are not ready but he's young and needs to get on with his life.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:24 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Remember that your beloved daughter's bf was that and not in a husband role unless they had a child together? That really puts bfs and so's in to a more permanent position in life. I am so sorry for your loss. Can you join a group for parents in loss? If the most strong committment between your lovely daughter and her bf was a committment of words that gives freedom more to move on faster. Perhaps planting a tree in relatives' yards would honor your daughter or volunteering yourself in groups that she so loved their work? Prayers for you mommy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • No don't confront him. He would have moved on eventually and I think the hurt for you would be the same no matter how long he waited, this was your daughter after all. Your love for her was different then his so you will grieve in different ways.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I wouldn't confront the BF. Men do tend to move to new relationships faster than women. Plus, if you confront him now out of hurt & anger, you may damage a friendship that has been & will continue to be very important to you.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 11:47 AM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • If your daughter was here and I am very sorry she is not, then he would be with her. With the passing he is free to move on . We cannot put a time frame on when he is ready. I understand your point but it is his life. Try to be strong.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:02 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

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