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Should I take him back, for her?

My husband and I separated last September (2008). He had cheated on me multiple times during our 2 year relationship (50 times was the last he told me), and left so he would be free to explore his options. Though it hurt me very much, I backed off and let it happen. Neither of us has filed for Divorce yet. He met a girl, got her pregnant, and proposed. Recently, they have broken off the engagement. He claims it is because he wants to be with me again. He wants to make our marriage work, for our daughter, and because he loves me. I do love him, but I don't ever want to be in a relationship like the one we had before. I want to do what is best for my daughter, but I don't trust him like I once did. What would you do?

 
mrskrisher

Asked by mrskrisher at 12:03 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,889 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Ya know, I always ask myself what would I do if my DH cheated, and if it was only once...I cannot imagine 50, and I think after reading this, even if my DH did it once, I would be gone, because w/o trust there is nothing, and I could never trust him not to do it again...after 50 times, he absolutley had no respect for you or his daughter. What will she think of him when she grows up...he needs to ask himself that question, and what would he do to his son in law if he does that to his precious daughter...NO Way!!
    jessemo6

    Answer by jessemo6 at 7:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Damn if he cheated on you like that I would not get back with him! Its not fair to you or your baby to have to o through that again! Dont do it, he just ran out of women who are not going to put up with his shit so he thinks he can run back to you an you Will take him back! Be strong and hold your foot down, you don't need to go through that! I was in a relationship like that and I keep taking him back and finally said this is it, because he kept cheating and when I was pregnant wit our DD he decided to get 2 other women pregnant ( one with twins)! This is a hard thing to go through so don't do it due to it will make your life a living hell!

    SD777

    Answer by SD777 at 12:13 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Sounds like his fiance wised up and realized the creep that he is.

    If you want what it best for your daughter, you should want a healthy environment for her as well. I know personally I wouldn't want my dd growing up thinking it was okay for infidelity to take place in a marriage. It only sets her up to think that it is okay when her spouse does it to her. In addition just because you have children doesn't mean you have to put up with emotional terrorism. How can you teach your daughter to be healthy and happy, when you can't even give that to yourself? I think you have already done what is best for your daughter. Just stick to your guns.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:18 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Don't believe his lies...he's lying and he knows he's lying. He's trying to make you feel as if you won him by leaving the woman he's been committing adultery with. How can he propose to one lady and still be married to another woman? Can't work...she wised up and found out that he's no good and sent him packing back to where he came from...

    Take this advice to heart....you asked what would you do? I wouldn't trust the ground he walks on, out of fear it will cave in...how can he leave a woman he has gotten pregnant and go back home to a child he left behind? he's still leaving the other child behind so how will that make life easier and better for you?...wise up and move on with your life...you deserve better and so does your daughter.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:27 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • hmmmm I don't trust him. If you really want to see if things work out set some boundaries... don't just go back to how things were. Make him agree to certain things like counseling, or some sort of recovery classes and support groups... maybe he has some sort of sexual addiction or something. Give time for him to work on himself, and you work on healing from the hurt he caused you before even considering getting back together. Then see if he follows through with these things before even talking about getting back together with him... once the time comes when youboth are in the place where there can be more trust you can talk about starting all over again....dating etc. This will probably take years if he agrees to this, and its a good way to test his commitment to your marraige.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 12:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Tell him that they ONLY way you will try and work on the marriage is that you both go for marriage counseling and if he cheats anymore, you will file for divorce IMMEDIATELY!!! Do NOT let him move back in until he proves that he is committed to the marriage, you and your family. He has a lot to prove and you are the only one who can decide if the marriage is worth the amount of work it will take to make it strong. It could be that he just needed to grow up or he could be a habitual cheater and nothing will help. You also have to be able to deal with his other child, he/she would be part of your life too. All you can do is take it one day at a time.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:41 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • if he cheated on you 50 times, I believe that says it all
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:47 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • drinkingWake up Please................


     


    If you go back to a "man" like that .....what are you telling your child and yourself..


     


    Start respecting yourself....


     


    and go file for DIVORCE..


    50 times tell yourself....50 times...

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:50 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • The other girl is pregnant. She will FOREVER be part of your life if you take him back.And he may change his mind over and over and over again. My marriage was like that.When I was 7 months preg with my son, I caught my husband cheating(which DID result in a pregnancy).I DID take him back because he seemed to true..so remorceful for the mistake he had made.I actually felt sorry for him and I believed with ALL my heart we'd make it work. Well,4 years,11 strippers,a billion headaches,11,000 tons of heartache,a gazillion and 2 lies later...well...then I woke up. I divorced his ass and moved ON with my life.Had a good old time too...dressing up and looking good going out on dates,droppin our son off to babysit while I enjoyed MY life...and he was pathetic.Now...5 years later,I'm with the greatest man I could ever ask for,and I know he would never do to me what my ex did.Think of YOURSELF.You need to be happy. Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:13 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Maybe he wants to come back so he'll just have to pay ONE child support payment instead of two!! If you take him back a portion of your living expenses will be child support for this other child.
    Be careful and think with your head and not your heart on this one. He doesn't sound like he's a keeper if he runs to another person every time things get difficult.
    giggles483

    Answer by giggles483 at 2:20 PM on Jul. 8, 2009