Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My stand-offish nature

I keep reading all these stories on here about how we mothers just go out of our way all the time for our kids. Let me share my take on this. I have one child who's 5, I don't plan on having another for awhile. I do not go out of my way at all for him. In the way that if he falls, I don't run over to pick him up. I stay where I am, if he gets up, he's fine. If he doesn't get up, ok, we'll have issues. Also, I don't have any guilt in fitting in me time. If I plan to do something and something with my son suddenly comes up, I'll plan to still keep my original plans baring sickness. He picks up his own toys, if he wants a snack, he gets it out of the fridge himself, like yougurt or cheese, he puts his own shoes on and dresses himself. I cannot wait till he's old enough to be completly dependent on himself. I can't wait for him to be tall enough to do his own laundry. I can't wait for kindergarten to start. as a result, I'm happy.

Answer Question

Asked by mehamil1 at 1:47 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Is there a question in there somewhere?

    Answer by gramsmom at 1:56 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My small children do these things too.And I've never been the clingiest mom either.It doesn't make us bad moms. However how we interpret other peoples parenting styles are debatable. They aren't doing it the wrong way they are doing it their way,and they have every right in the world As well as myself.I don't think it' fair to criticise them because they could do the same in another area of mine.

    Answer by Steff107 at 2:12 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Whatever works for you, sounds like your fine and your child is fine, so it sounds like your doing what 's right for you and your child.

    Answer by robinann5 at 3:09 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • That's your parenting style, you're happy with it, and it works with your son. I have a 21-year-old and he was doing his own laundry at five. At seven, he was cooking meals. He wanted to learn everything and do it all himself. He was born independent and self-sufficient, but his body needed time to catch up with what his mind seemed ready for, lol. Just be warned that every child is different. If you have another, this approach may not work. Just ask most mothers with 2, 3, 4, or more kids. Each one is totally different and the same exact parenting techniques don't work with each kid the same way. I have a second child now and he is night and day different from his brother. Sometimes I worry that I'll be cooking for him and doing his laundry when he's 40, lmao (kidding of course). He's only two years old, so we have some time to help him get more independent.

    Answer by DeTora_Family at 3:33 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I completely agree with DeTora. I have 3 kids - 3,2,7mo. I'm not quiet as stand-offish as you but if your kid really is ok with it and he does know you love him that's fine. But do you hang out with him at least once a day? If not that's kinda cold. I know what DeTora means about her kid being born independant and all, my girl is just the same so she'll probably be just like that.

    In general though I'm stand-offish too. Believe it or not, and most don't, but all mine were accidents and I stayed with their dad just for them. He is a great guy but thats another discussion. I never wanted to be a mom this early and since I litterally have no life beyond family and 2 old HS friends I talk to online, I have a lot of resentment. I hate being stuck here and I hate being called on like a slave all day every day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I agree with your parenting style... it's very montessori. Everything is at their level to teach them to be self sufficient. And me time is very important. If something impinges on me working out, I get resentful. It's a horrible feeling, resentment, like I'm being held hostage.

    But at the same time, I love snuggling my kids at bed time. they get their snuggles and loves and it fills me up like nothing else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I don't consider myself stand offish at all, however I also don't consider myself to be uber clingy. I think the most important thing is I don't consider myself to be judgemental and that's really what it all boils down to. No matter how you choose to live your life, someone somewhere will tell you that you're doing it wrong. My trick is to surround myself with people who do their own things and don't judge people for doing things differently. In the end the only people you have to please is you and your son (and possibly a SO) so do what suits you!

    Answer by MynTop at 5:17 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I have 3 children ages 21, 6 & almost 4. Raising my first child was no where near as demanding of my time. It was easy & fun. He was very independent & yes, did lots of stuff on his own. Although, I never expected him to wash dishes or do his own laundry at age 5. I did expect him to pick-up after himself. I let him be a kid. I have never been clingy with my kids. I am there when they need me & that doesn't end when they grow-up. It is easier to maintain a level of independence when you have only one child. Try finding a babysitter for two or more children! Unless you have family near, close friends or lots of money to pay for childcare you aren't going to have much of a social life. So count your blessings, there aren't many as fortunate as you. As far as parenting styles go, do what works. Every child is different & what works for one may not work for another. Remember judge not lest ye be judged. Have a great day.


    Answer by Beca-smiles at 7:25 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • know, it does seem the first one is the most independent. After that, what happens??? lol...seriously, my oldest has always been self-sufficient until she became a teenager and the attitude set in. haha.....

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 7:51 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • There's a difference between self sufficient and a child raising himself. Your description seems like you are merely coexisting with your child until he doesn't have to be in your house anymore, I hope there's a bit more to it than that. My children do all those things as far as chores go. And my husband and I go out and have fun and don't feel guilty. But we also take our children to church, and to activities, read to them, teach them about choices. that's parenthood, it's work, and it's so much fun and rewarding. By nature, some like a little more tlc than others, and we give that too. Also, I have friends with only children like yours, but others with a child that wants to be with them and interacting, they are not okay to go off and do their own thing all the time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.