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my fiance just turned 21 =/

So i really don't care if he goes out as long as it's not to often,.. we tried to make a set of guidlines but he adds things that i never agreed to but says i did. What are ur going out guidlines for ur DD's how often does he go out,.. do you specify places u don't want him to go,.. i'm just trying to figure out how this works,.

O n i'm 20 can't go out wit him till next yr we have the same bday

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • In my opinion, i believe that when you go out without your significant other then it should be reserved to anything that does not involve clubs, bars, or a party scene. i am one tear older than my husband and when i turned 21 i took him with me to places that only demanded an 18 and up age. i brought our marriage license and he brought his ID and he was legally allowed to drink as long as he was within one arms length reach of me. i am not sure how this works in your state but you should look into it.
    What is the problem with inviting his friends over to drink? This shows that you support his wants but i think he is wrong for going out to drink without you. i can understand a glass of wine or one beer out at dinner with his friends, but no more. Not without YOU! No one is really themselves when they drink and i think if they are involved then they should do just that: Involve their spouse!
    CaRrieNIN

    Answer by CaRrieNIN at 2:24 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • well i know what your going though i was in the same boat meet my husband when i was 15 he was 23 now im 21 and he is 29 . i soon realized that i dont get a say in when he goes out or what he doese ext. you need to ask your self if this person doese things that hurt me now how will i feel when the sparks go out 10 years into the relationship. you are engaged you guys should be all over each other. he should want to be with you no matter what although he doese need time out with the boys it very important and you NEED to be out with the girls or even your mom you should get out the calendar and mark 2 day each month for each of you to have time away from the house and eachother then mark down 2 days in the month if possible to be alone together and then plan atleast one day to have speacil day for your child and both of you dedicate that day to them and being a family, it doesn't have to be just like that but its a good goal
    mommommom1988

    Answer by mommommom1988 at 2:25 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • If the consumption of alcohol is this big of a deal, you guys have bigger problems.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 2:26 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • one more thing is that bars are fine clubs may cross the line but you need to give him all the oppertunities he needs to make mistakes. but if he cheats well good atleast you know that you need to move on holding somone back from this is silly if you think about it if he is going to cheat he will and then you know he is a piece of shit good luck
    mommommom1988

    Answer by mommommom1988 at 2:29 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My husband doesn't "go out and drink". Neither of us are into going to clubs or bars. If we're going to drink, it's cheaper to drink at home.

    Now that being said, I have no problem with him going out with the guys occasionally, but he tends to just want to hang out with me and the kids since we don't get much time with him as it is.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:32 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My husband is a year and half older than me and he's not into the party scene at all. If hes going to drink he does it at home and he has just one or two to relax. My husband doesn't like getting drunk. If he goes to the bar he makes sure its with me or its at lunch time with his buddies and they are eating lunch there. He's just not into it and I am so thankful for it.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 2:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Neither my husband or I really go out with out the other, but I trust my husband, so I dont mind if he goes out with out me. I know he wont cheat and I always make sure he goes with a designated driver. The last time he went w/out me was in november, his guy friends wanted him to go out for a going away party, and he was only gone for like two hours before he came home wasted. You have to let him go out with out you sometimes, guys night, just like you would want a girls night when you turn 21. If you cant trust him to go out w/out you, thats something t question.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 2:38 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • It isn't your place to set "rules" for him. If he starts going out so much that you feel neglected let him know how you feel & ask him to find places you can go with him (like restaurant bars). As for where he goes, that is all up to him as long as it isn't breaking any oath he gave you (like another woman's bed if you promised fidelity). My husband has no rules, nor do I. We think of one another before making decisions & try to avoid anything that will bother the other person. Trying to set up guidelines will make him feel like he has to fight you to do things, never good for a relationship. Find things for the 2 of you to do together, find things for you to do while he is out with his friends, & share your feelings at all times. Then you will have a good relationship rather than a settled house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My fionce was 21 when I met him and if I can't go out with him then he wont go out. I have a son from my previous marriage and if we don't have a sitter then he will stay home. I guess I can't relate to this problem because we always do everything together and we don't go out to bars hardly. We usually have bonfires w good friends in our back yard.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 3:46 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • this is the OP* I really don't drink,.. not a big fan so that's y it seems to be a big deal to me,.. i mean even if i was of age i prob still wouldn't go to the bar unless he wanted me to be DD,.. but he just really used to b a party animal and now that he is legal and his old friends knows he is they really take advantage like he's out 3 nights a wk since he turned 21 and by out i mean leaving at 7 coming home at 1,.. idk its just annoying to say the least
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

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