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How do I help someone out of a dangerous situation without being found out?

I have an acquaintance that is in a very dangerous relationship and has finally decided that enough is enough, she needs my help and because my family is close to the abusers family and he has a very dangerous weapon and the capacity for violence I am terrified in two ways; 1) What if something goes wrong like she changes her mind or 2) he finds out whether from her in the future or he beats it out of her. 3) She is badly hurt before she gets out. I have never wittnessed him hit her, no one has, and she tend to lie alot but I have heard his tone change when she enters a room and I see it on her skin and I do not know what to do... Please help!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • As much as you want to help there is nothing you can do especially with the fear that you have.

    Just stay out of it. I bet if you ever call the cops on him they will not do nothing to him maybe lock him up for beating her up then he will be right back home with her.

    She is the one who have to make that discion she wants out she has to get out and be gone 4/ever.

    Just do what you can to comfort her but to get her out of this situation...NO stay away it might just come back and bite you on your butt. Just do alot of praying for her. Don't get involved even though you want to do the right thing. GL


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 2:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • With this man, who has the capacity to be very vilolent, I would strongly suggest, first she call Women's Crisis Center, she can do this from your house if necessary. They will explain to her how to get away from him as safely as possible, they will give her tons of resources, and even put her in a shelter if needed. They can even arrange transportion to the shelter. You are right to worry about this man turning on you if he feels you "made" her leave him. But one of the reasons it's so hard for women in this situation is that people on the outside are leary of helping due to the reasons you are. They really need help from friends and family, they need to feel they are safe. You can be there to listen and help her make plans, but she really needs to contact WCS, they are extemely helpful, and of course have been through this many times, and know the best way to do it.

    Answer by robinann5 at 2:39 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Absolutely don't take her and help her escape. He very well could turn on you and your family if he feels you were the reason why she left.

    Contact a women's shelter, and go from there. That will be the safest place for her for now.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:43 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • have her call the domestic violence shelter and work out an escape. That keeps you out of it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:44 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I agree with everyone here. Someone getting abused has a psychological problem and they go back and forth on wanting to leave the abuser. Don't get yourself to involved just to protect yourself. Give her the numbers to call herself and if she wants help she will get it. Plus I am sure she has family that will take her in. PROTECT YOURSELF FROM PSYCHO DUDE>

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I have to say...all these answers kind of upset me, they say to not get involved. I totally understand their reaIsoning, but I think that's why so many women feel stuck.....noone wants to get involved. I personally would do anything I could to get a woman out of that situation, I'd let her stay at my house, I'd take her whereever she needed to go. Men who abuse woman are usually wimps when it comes to other people. I would stand right up to him and get in his face, and tell him what a p#%%y he was. Like I said before she needs to contact the WCS, but I'd take her there myself if she wanted me to.....Men like this totally piss me off!!!

    In case you couldn't tell....I've been in that situation myself many years ago.

    Answer by robinann5 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • If more people were to have gotten involved when a woman or a child was in a situation such as this maybe more women and children would have gotten out ALIVE.You can not turn your back just because your afraid,she is your friend.I couldn't turn my back on someone in that situation even if it were a stranger.Take her to the police.She needs a restraining order and you should request one as well for yourself and your family.The police can refer her and her children to a safe house.
    If she goes back...and many do...still do not turn your back on her,she may need you again.Many still go back..they have been brain washed!They are psychologically and emotionally "messed up".She needs to get somewhere safe and with profeessionals that can show her leaving him is okay..they can help her to put the pieces of her life back together.
    Don't turn your back.Good luck and God Bless.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:03 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Give her this number: 1-800-799-SAFE. That is the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They are trained in helping women get out as safely as possible. They will connect her with resources in her area... police, shelters, financial assistance,councelling...anything she needs.

    Answer by brandyj at 3:06 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Of coarse offer her help, if she's terrified of him she ll go to a shelter. I've been to one, it's not fabulous but they can sometimes give you money to move away from your abuser. Does she have family any where else far away from this guy? I still feel that your family should cut off ties with the abuser, what if someone says something to him about where she's at, cause if he's abusive he'll be asking till he gets answers. You shouldn't have to see marks & bruises on her all the time. I was with my abuser for 8 years on & off, and he punched me in the mouth once, but I didn't always have bruises. There's all different levels of abuse & a lot of it goes on BEHIND close doors. It's all just as dangerous. Please don't doubt anyone who says they're being abused!!!

    Answer by luvmyangels3 at 1:54 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

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