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Do nasty messages and convos from one parent influence a judges decision in a child custody case?

I was hoping i could get a little advice about a child custody topic. my husband has joint custody of his son. There are a ton of issues between him and the boys mom (like most people who arent together but have a kid) and she is just a vulgar disgusting person. I can't even explain the things she says to him in text messages and in regular convos. He on the other hand, always keeps his cool and says as little as possible in response. He is planning on going to court to modify his custody and support decree and i wondered, when he takes her to court, will the text messages and emails that we have saved influence the way the judge rules the case? If anyone can give any advice, that would be so appreciated. thank you!

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Asked by JGM1013 at 3:09 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • It can depending on what she is saying and talking about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I would being everything in with you when you go to court it can't hurt anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • It all depends. Sometimes the judges know that parents say mean/nasty things as part and parcel of their broken relationship, but as long as neither parent is actually interferring with the other's parent or their relationship with the child, then parents can say or text whatever they want. My son's dad tried to use an email against me, but the court didn't care because clearly my actions did not reflect what I wished for in the email. Again, they were just words, but the action is what makes the difference.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 3:14 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • oops " I would BRING everything in with you, When you go to court it can't hurt anything" SORRY.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • He should definately take them & make a list of any nonrelatives who have heard her making hateful remarks in front of the child. Factored in with all the other issues, some judges very much take that into account. Unfortunately, some judges don't want to hear it for one reason or another. It is best for him to be prepared with the things printed out & to present them in a mature manner that conveys his concern for his child hearing or seeing those things or her general attitude, careful not to include how he feels about her or her comments personally.

    Answer by nysa00 at 3:18 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • You can definitely submit them (and should). What affect it has on the case is entirely up to the judge though. Some judges are very biased against the fathers.

    As nysa00 said, when presenting the materials he does need to keep his personal feelings out of the matter regarding the messages and her personality. A decent judge will see what kind of person she is based on the messages.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Is he using a lawyer? That would be the person to ask. I'd collect them all anyway just in case.

    Answer by happytexasCM at 3:38 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • take it all to the court. if he is using a lawyer ask your lawyer what to do..i remember in my divorce all the letters he sent me helped me also but he was abusive and also made the judge hate him because it wasn't the first time he delt with the jerk

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • im not sure how to use this so im just responding in the answer box!
    ive been lippy with my ex before as well. we all have a little anger and bitterness in us from time to time. But she is something completely different. She is very hostile at all times. When she drops her son off with us, she smiles and puts on a show. BUT we have heard him in the back ground crying during phone conversations while she is saying these things.
    She recieves 500 dollars a month in child support. She has never worked and was advised by a mediator last year to get a job. She just got a temporary one, and is saying she wants an extra 400 in daycare a month. Im hoping her new income, and a new visitation order will come in to account when the judges addresses the daycare issue. 900 a month for one child is outrageous. especially when the one paying has 50/50 parenting time and pays for eveyrthing else as well!!

    Answer by JGM1013 at 4:17 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • In most agreements there is something saying that both parties have to be "civil" with each other. It might not affect the ruling, but it should go on record that he's been having problems and if there isn't already something in the agreement about being civil it should be added at that point.

    Answer by sbastille at 4:28 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

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