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stressed and confused how to approch this?

ok my cousin lost her baby girl being 5 months pregnant the dr said it was her DNA she would have never made it past the 6th month, Ok then the next year I had a Girl, she is the first great grand-daughter, but I am getting so much shit from my family telling me no she is not my cousins baby is. I made a family tree for my grand-parents 50th and I didnt put that baby in it, and I got yelled at for it and I asked then to need to add my first son, and I was told no, although I lost my baby in the 5th month also, my cousin was the only one who didnt say anything cuz she has moved on she has a healthy boy. but everyone else told me my daughter is still not the first ggdaughter, but she is? how would you deal with it?

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SkylaReneeMom

Asked by SkylaReneeMom at 5:31 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,654 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I'm sorry for losses, prayers for your families. I'd just make a new family chart including all who've lived to any age and all who passed at any age, do it with out any anger. Walk away from discussion of it and keep new chart for your own family acknowledging life ages and loss ages of all ages in chart. Don't get entangled in death emotions, its' so different and private no matter how any one is related by blood or any other way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • OMG... this is so sensitive for everyone. I think you were NOT wrong to not add a child that wasn't carried full term - that still is a baby i understand but that's still a baby no one new or met - though we all love our babies in the womb, they didn't MEET this child.. I don't know. .seems like unneccessary drama I guess -
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:35 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Honestly what difference does it make?

    Nobody is really right, so why argue over it?

    Leave it alone, your DD could care less who came first, only that she is loved.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 5:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I would just let it go cause this is one of those things that no one is ever going to agree on. I wouldnt change the family tree especiay since they wont let you put the child you lost on there. Just let it go cause you will always be wrong no matter what. ANd as long as your cousin isnt mad at you or say anything i wouldnt worry about it
    elananme

    Answer by elananme at 5:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I disagree with maxsmom people did meet the babies who passed while in the womb very likely through ultrasound and through diaries and hopes and dreams of grandparents, parents, etc.
    I'm first re. I have several relatives who have miscarried and their losses and dreams are still talked about and missed. Maybe instead of including those who've passed in utero with those who have lived longer ina new family tree chart include them on a side of it with parents, siblings, grandparents mentioned to honor those families.

    I did not have breast cancer but I thought I had breast cancer with one of my babies pregnancy. For over a month I did not know if I would have to terminate my pregnancy. I did have ob ultrasounds knowing my view next of my baby might be when I joined her in heaven. The potential loss and loss of any life loved has those left behind wanting ackn. by others more than not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Our hearts hold the most important memories that even a family chart can't hold, no matter if some one died in pregnancy or lived long. the memories are always there to come and go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • I think I would feel hurt too if I were in your shoes. I know the family misses the other baby, but they to realize that your baby is here and needs to feel loved and appreciated as well. Maybe you could go back and make a new family tree, and add the special one that is in Heaven now to one of the branches or even make it it's own special cloud. Just as a rememberance for the family that still mourns the baby's loss. Good Luck
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 7:07 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

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