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is your church really close?

is your church really close and like a 2nd family?
if this works out and i do start attending....that would be different for me. because of my past unfotunately im not a trusting person, and im very guarded.....its really hard for me to hug someone i dont know or let my guard down and be vulnerable to ppl. maybe it will be good for me. break me out of this anti social ,non trusting shell. im always ready to go on the defensive, the soldier in me is already prepared to pounce....and im sure that is half the reason i get stress knots all over my back and have mild insomnia

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Asked by moki1984 at 10:03 PM on Jul. 8, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 11 (573 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • There are a lot of people at my Church so I'm not close to ALL of them, but there are people that I know from Church that we are close to. I went through the RCIA (Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults) there and so I got to know a lot of people through that. It wasn't that sort of erie feeling you get from people who are waaaay over the top. You just get to know people from being around and from participating in different ministries (volunteering and such). Our Priest is so wonderful and welcoming and he really impresses upon us all to be as open and welcoming to new comers as he is. I know that coming to the Church has been one of the best things in my life. I wasn't raised with much religion at all and I too was wary or it. Just open your heart to God and the rest will follow.

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:11 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My church is close yes but many of us started where you are.. I didnt hug ppl for a long time its only in the last 5 yrs or so I did then I started at this church and strangers hugged me and I said that settles it Love reigns here.. God lives here I am staying, they are my family and I hate that I cant go every weekend due to where it is located.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 10:17 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • My church is very close. The relationships I've formed there mean the world to me, and the people are very close to me. We've been attending there for 12 years about, though, so these are people who have seen me grow up and whose children I've seen grow, too. We don't get to attend as much as I would like, seeing as we live over an hour away now, but I do get to see them often (just saw them on Saturday), which makes me happy. I was always very involved in my church growing up, and the people really are like my own family.
    It takes time to get to that point, though. Its something that you get more and more comfortable with the more you attend and the more you know the people and the church itself.
    There's nothing wrong with needing to get used to it first.

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 10:28 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • i attended a medium sized country church for a long time. i am not a hugger but boy they were. it grows on you. not everyone came up to you each sunday and hugged you but everyone at least said hello. we had a womens class on sundays that if you were not there they called to ask why. not because they were nosey but because they cared. i left that church and came to a larger church and went through a divorce while we were members there. no one called or acted like they cared. i really miss what i had at the other church. to this day if i see any one of the old church members they have to hug me and ask how i am doing and ask about the kids. if you find a church like that please go you will be blessed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • We are, because we have gone through some hard times of late (pastor change and dealing with issues about that). Many, many people have left the church for various reasons. The ones who have stayed tend to be the ones that have been members for over 10 years. We've watched each other's kids grow up. In some cases it's 3rd generation now. So you don't share that much history as a church, and as individuals and not become close.

    Don't be afraid to express it if you don't want to be hugged. Physical expressions of affection are not always comfortable. And they certainly don't mark the amount of love people feel. No one should hug or be hugged if they don't want to. I know of a gentleman at our church who doesn't in general hug women other than his wife. He is older and feels that it can be misunderstood. I have known him for 16 or 17 years and he just lately has started giving one arm hugs. That's just him.


    Answer by teamquinn at 10:46 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • Wow, you sound like me, it took me 7 years before I finally talked to my doc about insomnia treatment...and I get social anxiety from time to time too.

    You know what, that's okay.

    It's okay to be guarded about who you completely let into your life. It's perfectly natural that in any given congregation there are going to be people who, despite the teachings of their faith, just aren't trust-worthy.

    and there are going to be others that are fine, but you just don't have compatible personalities, and there's going to be some that are going to be amazing friends over your own comfortable period of time.

    You don't have to force instant friendship, you just have to be courteous to everyone in the meantime.

    Most important, at the end of the day, remember you don't go to church for the people - you go for your God.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Jul. 8, 2009

  • no not really.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Yes, people are so caring there-- especially the old southern ladies! I love those hugs. I'm pretty guarded myself (can't even say "I love you" to my parents) but I love the closeness I have with these people.

    Answer by Lexylex at 6:17 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • LOL - it's very much like a family - some of them ignore you, some of them embrace you, some of the are just irritating, some of them are clueless, some of them get the picture? I think you'll find the same "people" wherever you go - you'll click with some, not with others. I still haven't been invited to anyone's house, but I haven't invited anyone over either (I only recently acquired seats and a table, and I've been going to the same church for 8 years). But I tend to be aloof. I went through RCIA for 3 years before I was sure this was right for me, then I spent most of that following two years sitting and watching, waiting until I was comfortable. Then I started getting involved more, trying different things (different groups attract different kinds of people), and now I find myself on the Stewardship Commission - not where I would have expected myself to be. So take it easy, grow when you're ready. God Bless!

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:17 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • I think, with my Church anyway, it's completely up to the individual how "close" they are to the rest of the congregation. You can just go to Mass each week, never say anything to anybody else and leave right after without question. Or you can throw yourself into every activity the Church has going on, volunteer to help with the food kitchen or maintenance of the buildings, join the name it. I think it's completely up to you. My family has has been going to our Church for less than a year now, so we are still pretty new and would actually like to get more involved than we are at this point. We know a handful of people by name and feel very welcome there but I'd like to get to know more of them personally and once I can manage it with my schedule and kids I'd like to start getting involved with some of the things they have going on each week.

    Answer by whittear at 11:01 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

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