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alcoholic fiance..

my fiance is only 20 years old & he is an alcoholic. whenever he gets paid he HAS to buy beer.. he doesn't think this is a problem though. i mean he goes to work, he gets the bills paid and everything and our daughter always has everything she needs, but all he wants to do is drink. what should i do? i don't want to get married to him and have another 40-50+ years ahead of me having to deal with him drinking all the time.. i mean he's not an aggressive drunk or anything but it still bothers me.. am i wrong for letting this bother me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Jul. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • To me it would depend on what type of drinker he is. For instance, my fiance drinks every day. But, on the week days when he has to work, he will have no more than 3 beers a night & he always has his last drink by 8:00. Now, he does excersize & eat healthy & the Dr. Says it's fine to have 3 light beers a night. But, if he were to get sloppy & irresponsible, that would be totally different. My love WILL NOT drink & drive, even on the weekend if he happens to have a few more, he will not drive. And he will not get sloppy at home. He certainly will get a lil drink when we're out with friends, but then again.....i will too....lol! It all depends on how responsible he is about it. Some people are just a mess when they start drinking, & some people can have 2-3 & stop. If he is a responsible drinker i would not worry about it. But if he is not, then i would worry.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:29 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • I wouldn't care what kind of a drinker he was, I wouldn't be okay with it if he had to drink all the time.

    I, like you, wouldn't want to put up with it for the rest of my life. Have a serious talk with your fiance' about it. Ask him to get help. There are quizzes online to see if he would be classified as an alocholic, maybe that would help him see the light.

    The bottom lne is that if you threaten to leave if he doesn't get some help, you have to mean it. And he has to WANT to change himself, you can't make him do it. Maybe the thought of losing you would be enough, but I don't know...
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:55 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • First off, I have to assume he's at least 21. (IF he's not, don't tell me)
    Second, a lot of young adults drink heavily in their twenties because its "new". It should slow down by about 25 or so. This is what people refer to as your "party years". As long as he's being responsible, going to work, and not sacraficing bill money for beer, it should be fine.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 9:58 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • It is good you are not ignoring warning signs. I ignored the signs and the drinking got worse with my ex. I complained and talked to him about it, he would go to a few meetings and I wouldnt see the alcohol, then I would find Vodka (because you can't smell it) hidden under the seat of his truck. He hid stuff everywhere. I tried everything to get him to stop, but his problem was bad. He was drinking little bits all day long. Sometimes it would escalate and he would get drunk, but usually he just drank a little all day which amounted to ALOT throughout the day. Not sure what the answer is for you, but a life of alcoholism is no fun, it effects every aspect of your life and it gets worse before it gets better (if they ever choose to get better). Good luck, my situation didnt turn out well, but if you need to talk msg me.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:00 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • A drunk is a drunk..

    You sound like you know what to do..

    He has to help himself and first admit that he has a problem..

    My dad has been an alcholic for 50 years....please please please
    Remove yourself and your child from him..

    If he gets help and no longer drinks would I recommend having anything to do with him.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:03 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • I am married to an acoholic and he has never slowed down ! He's damn near 30! He's not aggressive towards me, but it has caused a lot of problems in our marriage. He also a heavy smoker (of weed). He's not really mean to me, but he hasn't been able to hold a job or finish school. He's a nice guy, but he has problems. Trust me when I say you don't wanna go down this road kids or not. It's a hard road to take.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • he may not be aggressive now ~ but who is to say in 5 or 10 yrs ~ if you want this to work out ? get some help ~ otherwise it's time to move on and maybe he will grow up
    BoundHearts

    Answer by BoundHearts at 12:07 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

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