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How do I talk with my DF about this?

My DF and I have been together for over 5 years now. We have two children 3yrs& 7months. We cannot seem to keep our house clean. I am not saying that he is the only culprit though. I need his help coming up with a plan to help us keep it up. However, everytime I ask him for ideas on how to do this, he says I don't know and gets mad at me for asking. He would rather play on his computer all day long and not clean the house or anything else. We both work full-time, so I don't feel that there is any reason why we both can't help keep the house clean. However, I feel like I am always the one stuck with cleaning it because otherwise it won't happen. Almost the only time that he does help is if I continuously get on him about it not being clean or just get mad at him. What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Jul. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • What my DH and I did was when the kids went to sleep we cleaned the entire house and threw away all our clutter and junk that we didn't need! And after it was spotless we just keep up with the cleaning, like make sure the dishes get clean and put away, make sure the clothes get clean and folded and put away. Things like that is how it stays clean. make sure to fully clean it on a day off so your not tired. You just tell him OK the kids are asleep lets get cleaning until it's fully complete and everything we don't use is in that trash can!!!!
    VasquezFamily

    Answer by VasquezFamily at 2:04 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Do what I did...I quit do anything but the bare minimum. I made sure the girls had clean clothes and o/c I had clean clothes but as for him he had to do his own laundry. As for cooking and cleaning I worked nights so he HAD to cook unless I did it before I left but I conveniently forgot.  And the cleaning he would gripe about I told him if he wanted it clean then he better get off his ass and get to it.  Now I'm not a lazy bitch it's just he would come home and sit in is recliner and not even acknowledge his family was there.  I worked nights and need to get supper done, girls bathed, myself dressed and out the door by 4:45 to get to work and he wouldn't help me so I put my foot down 

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 2:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • When my hubs and I worked full time (before kids) I sat him down and said "we need to come up with a cleaning plan. What chores do you want to do? I will do the dishes and laundry".
    I am now a WAHM with 3 kids (12, 10,3) 2 doofus cats and our house is less than 650 sq ft. I do most of the cleaning - since I am home. (my boys do help out somewhat- they have some chores to do). I do still expect hubs to help around the house and to pick up after himself. His mess = his responsibility. I tell him "I am not your mom, I am not the maid. You need to help out too!". For example-- I do laundry. If he leaves his dirty laundry on the bedroom floor I will not pick it up and wash it. If he wants it washed (by me) he needs to put it in the dirty hamper. Otherwise it will sit there and he can run out of dirty clothes--- or wash them himself. I don't feel I should have to pick up after him. He does not pick up after me.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:35 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • This is what I do...( and we both work)


     Who ever comes home first....cooks dinner...


     Who ever is last in the bed....makes it...


     After dinner there is usually clothes to fold, dishes to clean, a bath for my daughter, etc etc..


    I will say to him....do you want to do the dishes or the clothes...and he picks one..


     then I will say do you want to give Dee the bath, or fold the laundry...


     One rule in my home is...If I am still standing and doing chores, he is to help out...


    help out and not sit is butt on the computer.. It works...but once again you have to have two people that want to make it work.. good luck...big smile mini

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:42 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • You might try making a list of all the things that need to be done and then decide together how you will split the list. He can't complain about the chores as much if he has a hand in choosing the ones he is responsible for getting done. If he still doesn't want to do his fair share maybe he can pay someone else to do it. My husband doesn't have much time to help me with housework, but he pays a cleaning lady to clean all of our floors and bathrooms.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:43 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • I also agree with Dannee - give him either/or choices. I do this a lot with my husband and my older child, and it works really well.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:47 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

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