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Another woman's boyfriend...

I have these friends I've known for about 6 years or so (we'll call them A (girl) and B (boy)). We've been on and off friends. I knew them before they were a couple and B asked me out numerous times but I had a boyfriend at the time. They got together and it didn't work out. Fast forward to 2 years ago... they were both single and had a 1 night stand. A ended up pregnant. B didn't know if the baby was his and still doesn't know for sure. We were talking for the entire pregnancy but it was nothing more than just friends because I didn't want to get hurt when he chose to be with his baby. Well, that's what happened. They tried to work it out for the baby. She is 15 months old now and they are still together but not happily. He told me he still has feelings for me. Should I just go for it? Not while they're together, obviously, but should I tell him to take the next step so we can see where it goes? She knows he feels this way.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:58 PM on Jul. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Yes, what it is it going to hurt? They are doing more damage for that baby because they are not happy than they would if they were not together. The first thing he needs to do is to get a paternity test to prove that baby is his. But in the meantime, I say try. What is the worst that could happen? You find out that you don't like each other? Good luck.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 7:04 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Only if you do want to get hurt. I say you are crossing the friendship line if you do regardless of it being on and off again. I would be very angry and feel betrayed by you!  The hurt will last a long time for their issues and the child. You will just be put into a world of drama. Do you want that? I say find another man.


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 7:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Seems like it could get a bit tricky. On one hand, they had a "whoopsie" baby and tried to make a relationship out of that fact alone...that doesn't seem to me like it would be a big deal because its not like either of them were ever in love with the other one.

    However, they do share a child together. That is a bond that can lead to feelings of jealousy, even if they have no true love for each other. That can lead to a lot of hurt or misunderstood feelings on both sides.

    You will have to accept the fact that if you ask him to take the next step with you (I don't think that would be wrong) that your friendship with A will have to be put aside. Even if you two talk about it and she says shes ok with you and B being together, there will come a time when she needs B to do something for her or the baby (wether its financial or physical) and you will be the easiest target for her anger if it doesn't get done.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 7:18 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • OP here:

    Yes, it will be A LOT of drama! I know that for sure because A is a big time drama thriver. About 4 years ago she did the same thing to me with my son's dad before my son was thought of. It didn't work out between the 2 of them and a few months later she got with B. I think it will be a lot of drama at first but it will die down fast because he believes that she's cheating on him so she would really have no room to argue if that's the truth. I'm not really sure what to think, that's why I asked. We hung out last night with the kids (JUST AS FRIENDS!) and it all came flooding back to me.

    He is afraid to get a paternity test. He is super attached to her and doesn't want to find out that she isn't his.

    Thanks for the responses.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • I wouldn't. If he has feelings for you and is willing to commit to the situation he will do what he needs to do to make it right. Telling him to do it takes away all of the resposibility on his part. If he wants out he will get out. There is the little girl to think about as well. I would wait and see what he does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • OP here:

    He told me he would go ahead with anything unless I was ok with it and wanted to try to make things work between us.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Stand back and let these two try to make a home for this little girl. Don't be the reason he leaves. Yes, he should have a paternity test This is a time for you to cut it off completely. He's a big boy . Let him figure it out for himself. grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 8:48 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • It sounds like he's wanting to make sure someone is there for him. Some men are just afraid of being alone and jump from one woman to the next. I'm not sure his decision is being based on his feelings for you especially as much as his fear of being alone. (no offense) I get that impression from the fact he won't test the child. He gets attached and just clings to someone for the sake of someone being there, even A who he's not that thrilled with nor has he ever been able to work it out with her but he stays connected. Men have babies with women all the time and don't try to make things work with them. Tell him to stand on his on two feet alone then figure out what he wants and to get the baby tested. He needs to grow up.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:03 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

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