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do you consider this abuse?

my friends 3 y/o son laughs when put in timeout. spankings don't fase him, he is more than happy to throw all his toys in the garbage (she took them and hid them for weeks so he thought they were gone) nothing seems to work. well lately she has been giving him showers as a punishment cause he hates water on his head. it seems like torture to him. she and her husband hate doing it cause it reinforces the fear of water but its the only thing that seems to be helping turn his behavor. when he is doing something wrong she asks if he wants a shower and he immediately stops. I don't know what to tell her. I have expressed my concern to her but like I said its what works.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Jul. 9, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (14)
  • Has he been checked for sensory disorders or autism? If he is so unaffected by anything other than the sensation of water on his head, it makes me think there is a deeper issue..

    Answer by scout575 at 9:32 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • wow, thats a tough one... my first instinct was thats cruel, but if she's consistently tried everything else, and she's not drowning the kid, then I don't think its abuse. I don't know if I would do that my my own child personally, but I don't think i'm willing to sit here and pass abuse judgement. I think its definitely unique...

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:33 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Wow, I don't know!! Really no sarcasm here, if it works and his behavior is out of control then ... I just don't know. It could go either way. I spanked my kids and people call that abuse.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 9:34 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • the only thing that works with my DS in public is to threaten to taht him to the "bathroom" he will go potty out but not to the "bathroom"

    i think its a little harsh but having a child like this myself i understand! my 3 year old will make a mess clean it up and put himself in time out!! its crazy!!!

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 9:35 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • Yes I Consider that abuse all she is doing is making him fear water. That is also torture OMG that really pisses me off that is horrible!!!! There are so many other ways to discipline a child and the main thing to do that will work for 100 percent is to stay CONSISTANT! OMG I really don't know what else to say. I would snap on her and tell her that's bullshit and she is just traumatizing him of water. She can forget about taking him swimming or to a lake. Good lord have mercy on his little soul. Keep telling her its wrong, don't be quiet about it. Good luck


    Answer by SD777 at 9:37 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • my 3 year old will make a mess clean it up and put himself in time out!! its crazy!!!

    lol, damn thats impressive.... I wish mine cleaned up his own messes and punished himself, thats really funny, and great self control on the part of your 3 year old.

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:38 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • ba13ygrl....

    youd think it was great!!! its terrible!!! he knows its bad and kbows im going to get mad but still does things... he drives me crazy!!!! last week he poured a whole pack of food coloring into the sink.. filled it with water.. and transported it to our fish tank.... after i cought him he cleaned the floor and the sink.. than sat in time out for 30 mins looking at me pitafully!!!

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 9:41 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • that is horrible.... funny, but no not appropriate... my son the other day filled up his play kitchen sink with water, of course getting everything wet in the process... when I noticed and asked what the heck he was doing he said he needed to clean his dishes because they had poop on them... Turns out it wasn't poop, but he had decided to open pudding, smear it all over the walls and his toy plastic dishes, then clean his toy dishes and attempt to clean my wall, thus smearing the pudding more, and soaking my carpet in water and chocolate pudding. Boys, I swear!!!

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:55 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • He's three. Taking things AWAY is not something that a 3 year old grasps the concept of, that is too abstract, out of sight, out of mind. And yes, traumitizing a child because it's quick and easy is NOT an answer. If he is laughing in time out, then time out hasn't started yet. Once he is still and has stopped, then it begins, and you do it over and over and over. He also needs a reward chart and positive reinforcement. It's the last thing you would think he needs, but it's really that easy, even for the worst of the worst.

    Answer by pat7879 at 10:59 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

  • My children are all grown..............but I just want to thank all the moms for the cute stories you shared. I know you think its tough right now...............but as the song're gonna miss this.
    I DO

    Answer by momof3t at 10:59 PM on Jul. 9, 2009

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