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Me and my MIL don't get along. What should I do?

I've tried and tried to get along with her and be nice. Everytime my dh is around she is real sweet but if he walks away she turns into a total bitch. I've told him and he gets angry with her but she won't change. She never calls to check on my dh or her 5 month old daughter. But she gets mad that we don't bring our dd over when she lives an hour away which i'd understand if she'd make an effort to come here. What do i do?

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Asked by CourtneyAnn8690 at 12:15 AM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Confront her.....when he walks away and she says something rude look at her and say .."hold that thought" your husband back...confront her in front of him and either it will put an end to it all or your husband will see what YOUR dealing with . Remember though that she is his mother and will be so try and be upfront with her and honest...that's all you can do....good luck....

    Answer by poppet_poppet at 12:21 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would just ignore her. If she can't be respectful towards you or at least PRETEND to like you, than maybe you just shouldn't come around her anymore. Hopefully she'll realize her behavior is tearing apart the family and keeping her from her son and her grandkids and she'll change. If not, its her loss. Its hard because your DH is going to be in the middle of it all but if you've honestly tried your best to get along with her, and if her own son can't even convince her to stop being a bitch, than I would say tough shit for her and she can call and see you guys when she decides to pull the stick out of her ass. My in-laws have been driving me crazy since I became pregnant and were being really controlling and psycho so I quit coming over for awhile. I think they realized they their behavior was ridiculous and they have really toned down the crazy alot since then.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:27 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • don't do anything. She has issues. She has to work them out herself. Live your life and if she wants to be a part of it she can respect you and your family and come to you to visit. You don't need to be traveling to meet her needs with a small child. That's just wrong to even expect you to

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:28 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • my mil isnt allowed over... it solved a lot of my problems banning her. Dh visits her... Kids arent allowed at her house cause its so filthy i dont want them coming back with a disease. Like you MIL mine never even seemed happy about having grandkids... So as far as im concerned she can stay away from my kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Write her off. Mine was the same way. for two and a half years this woman acted so nice when hubby was around bt when he wasn't ugh I seriously hate thinking about it. I ignored her ignored her ignored her but she just got worse!!!! Finally after she wrote my husband and her own mother emails telling them that I was drinking while 6months pregnant. WHICH WAS NOT TRUE!!!!! I freakin lost it on her. I'm not saying that was the best thing cause now I'm the worst dil (which I already was to begin with so I guess I double lose) but it was what I had to do in my sitution for her to finally just leave me alone. Good Luck

    Answer by Jillybeans24 at 12:29 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would call her on her behavior and have your husband there to support you. It would be best to do this on your turf though. Address her at a planned moment (like a few minutes after the initial hellos). Let her know her behavior is unacceptable to you and you will not subject yourself to that kind of treatment. I would also tell her that you and your husband will leave (or tell her to leave if it's at your house) if she does treat you disrespectfully.
    As far as her calling and visiting, I would not be concerned about that. That's her decision to make. Besides, if she doesn't change her behavior with you, you don't want to subject yourself or your daughter to such inappropriate treatment.

    Answer by chocaholic888 at 2:45 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • i would have to say ignoring her is the best way. my sister gave me that advice years ago and she should have told me that the day we got married. anyhoooo......yeah, ignoring. my mil now has alzheimer's and thinks i am someone she likes-too darn funny and paybacks are hell. for years i just carried on with my own business like she wasn't even in my home or nearby. waiting for your children to come of age where they recognize and verbalize her actions is one precious pearl too. she is most hurt from the lack of attention from her son now centered on you and your family. ignoring her completely may just drive her insane-worked for me!

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:09 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Thank You So Much For Your Advice. I will definitly put it to use!

    Answer by CourtneyAnn8690 at 2:18 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • IMO there is nothing you can do. You married your husband, not her. I don't have the best relationship with my MIL and it doesn't affect our life one bit. We are able to be cordial with one another and that's it. My husband puts me first as he should.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 2:30 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • my MIL and i don't talk. the DH and i aren't married, but we consider ourselves to be cause it's just a paper.
    his MIL doesn't like me cause we're having a kid on the way with no paper stating we're married lmao. oh well.. she'll regret it later on. cause idk if i'm going to have my son around her unless I'M there.
    you married her son, not her.. so really.. if you guys can't get along.. ignore her

    Answer by kittenripmaygo at 3:13 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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