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my babys dad is not much help with my our little girl is there anything i can do to get him to start helping me more?

i nurse our little girl so he dont feed her and he says he feels wired change n diapers and im starting to feel like a single mom


Asked by kieramommy at 2:06 AM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (6)
  • A lot of men feel like this, I think. They are just not comfortable around babies. I have several friends whose husbands say they couldn't wait till the baby got older so they could play with them. I just don't think men know what to DO with that little baby staring up at them. I also know that a lot of men are afraid they might hurt the baby, did you ask your husband about this?
    My husband loved it when my oldest used to sleep on his stomach, but now when she is older, he gets a bigger kick out of her, because he can talk to her, and do things with her. He told me that and I can see it too. Hubby also loves to give the little one baths, maybe your SO could try that. But, anyway, keep your hopes up. It might get better as the baby gets older, or you might just have to tell him that you need help, and be specific, cause men don't always know...You know, they are men LOL...Good Luck.

    Answer by LilyandEmmasMom at 10:38 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I have felt like that since my son was born 6 months ago. I have let it get to me a lot and its hard to do everything on your own. I finally broke down the other night and told him everything. how it stresses me out having to do everything when i'm not a single mom. He told me that most guys just want you to ask for help. I told him he just needs to realize he has to help with or without me asking for help. Since then he has helped me out so much more and I think he understands better now. Maybe you should just talk to him, even if it means having a complete break down....thats what it had to come down to for me. Good luck hun. I know its hard but ya gotta say something

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I agree with anon, men think since were are made to have babies we can handle everything else but you have to ask for help and tell him how you feel, you can't get help if you dont ask

    Answer by looovemybabies at 2:20 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I have to agree with the ladies before me.. I had my daughter 6 weeks ago and I thought my husband would just jump right in and help out from the get go.. I mean this is his second child (first one for me) and my first three days were hell.. I didn't sleep one wink and he didn't see anything wrong.. I had to break down in tears and tell him that I was drowning and needed help. He honestly didn't think i needed/wanted help since I wasn't asking for it. Things aren't perfect yet but he does help out a lot more.. And most times you just have to tell them point blank.. Look I need you to change the diaper.. or I need you to watch her so I can get some sleep.. Honesty is the best way to go about it.. if you don't tell him you will end up angry and almost resentful towards him and it can really hurt your relationship. I hope things get better for you and your daughter and the father.. You'll be in my thoughts. :)

    Answer by Faeriebrat at 2:33 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Good luck.

    My DH isn't interested in helping but he does work long hours. I guess it just depends on the guy. Don't get me wrong...he adores her but doesn't want to do the stuff to nurture her, like feed, bathe and massage. I kept asking and asking and we kept fighting and then I wanted to leave and now we are working stuff out. I have recently just got over it and nurtured my DD and it is lovely, it was stressing me out more to think about. We are so bonded and yeah I am tired but love spending time with my little girl. I am more relaxed since I stopped thinking about it and just accepted this is UNFORTUNATELY the way that he is

    It can really depend on the generation they are too. My DH was born in 70s and is ethnic background so he thinks the man should provide and the woman look after baby.

    When I have my next one, looks like she'll be staying in hospital with me too. Ha ha ha she doesn;t leave my side. LOVE IT!!

    Answer by mummylovebaby at 6:47 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Ish... I hate that some people find it totally acceptable that men are "just not good around babies" you know, my son had colic pretty bad and my husband has 1% of patience so I was so mad that he couldn't help me out... He needs to WANT To be a parent - I would talk to him and be totally honest and tell him how hurtful he is being. this is his daughter, He has no right to think its weird to change his daughter.. what if he watched her and HAD to? He'd leave her dirty? Guys really need to step up on the parenting more - Not to say I have a perfect husband in this area, but at least he wants to be with his child.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:21 AM on Jul. 10, 2009