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For the married moms, how has having kids change your marrige?

If you were married before you had kids, please tell us how your marriage has changed, if it has because of the kids. Good or bad. Just wondering if I am alone or not, probably not.

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Asked by Keisha0806 at 10:26 AM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • We got married because I was pregnant. My mother can not be trusted and I wanted to ensure that if anything went wrong durring delivery she was NOT the one making any choices about my or my childs life. But frankly marriage hasn't changed our relationship in the least. It's a legal document, nothing more. Kids, on the other hand, have forced us to change everything and have greatly changed out relationship. I would have to say for the worse. Neither of us wanted kids, we were content to live life "on the edge" if you will, and you just can't do that with kids. We both loved working, now, we can't work the way we would like and so there is not nearly enough money. And we both loved to play hard, which again, we can't do. There is no shopping, no games, no movies no dinners out and NO SEX. We have only slept in the same bed maybe a total of a dozen times since our younggest was born (2 years ago).

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:32 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • cont... And we fight constantly about how they should be raised. My DH grew up not having to do ANY chores and not having to have ANY rules. HE had a mother that felt "boys will be boys" which is mostlikely why her oldest son (33) lives in my basement because he's to drunk to get a job... My mother on the other hand was the opposite. We did ALL the housework and cooking and she was very very strict. So we are trying to find a happy medium between the too... I think my mother was abusive but his was neglectful - I don't want to be either, and that causes much issue between us.

    Honestly if I could go back, would we have gotten married? No, I'm not a fan of the idea that not everyone has the right, and would have prefered to wait til laws changed. But we would have handsfasted (dedicated). Would we have had kids? Nope, we both enjoy being selfish way to much, but they are here, and we love them. So we deal...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:37 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • oh my...what a story. We got along better after the kids and the kids brought us closer, but I know that doesn't ordinarily happen. Marriage is stil work and there are things that we don't get along about, but the kids isn't one of them. We have very similar views on raising children.

    Answer by lowencope at 10:51 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • After our daughter was born, I think my husband fell deeper in love with me. He is very affectionate and can't keep his hands off me.. I am loving it. He has been more emotional about me and our daughter, and I think he has a new respect for me. I got blessed by God when he gave me my Brandon.. :) now 5 years together.

    Answer by sweetsis23 at 11:53 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • i got married then had my daughter and yes a marriage changes things alot my husband is a dead beat dad and he has nothing to do with his own daughter he say he loves her but a man can say oh i love you but it takes a real man do those things

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I had my oldest son when we got married and then we had 2 kids after we got married. The kids have enhanced our relationship in many ways. They give us something to work for and they are good for entertainment...LOL! We enjoy watching them grow and comparing their personalities to each other...'Blake walks like you'...'Lulu looks like you when she sleeps'. It's fun and interesting. But, we are also looking forward to the days when they are grown and gone and we can start the next chapter in our lives. We are even looking forward to grandchildren. My DH can't wait to have some little toddler call him 'PaPa' for the first time...LOL! Every day we shake our heads in amazement at how fast our kids are growing...and sometimes we get a little misty-eyed thinking that their childhoods are passing us by so quickly.

    Answer by mizkaye at 1:13 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I'm just tired, always!

    Answer by evelynwest at 2:05 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • we were married for 3 years before kids.

    they've brought us together in some ways and we learned a LOT about each other with each kid and as they grow. both of us had different upbringing so a lot of the things we do are not what the other wants.

    we've learned to work together and compromise a lot better than before.

    Answer by hypermamaz at 2:52 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • We were married for 2 years when i got preggo, and it has changed our marriage, but kinda neutral on good or bad! he spends more time with me, but our time together is focused on wyatt, not each other

    Answer by luvs708 at 3:31 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Being in a second marriage, I think that if you have a bad marriage then having kids amplifies the problems. If you have a good marriage, then having kids amplifies that as well. I do miss having my husband focus all of his attention on me, and being able to do that for him - but we are able to do that at night when my son goes to bed and when we can get a sitter.

    Answer by missanc at 3:52 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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