Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to handle a Stedaughter situation.

My stepdaughter has never accepted her father and I's relationship. At one time she plastered her room with photos of her mother and father together. I felt it was dis-respectful to my husband and I and suggested putting them into an album. Eventually she did. She got mad at me the other day and decided to put the photos back up. Should I say something or let it go. I'm sure it was done only to hurt my feelings.

Answer Question
 
Noelle1227

Asked by Noelle1227 at 10:55 AM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Let it go. You know she is just trying to hurt you, so don't let it. If that is the worst of her disrespect then it sounds like you have it good.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 10:57 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • let it go. Giving it attention shows it bothers you and that is what she wants. Don't give her that satisfaction. If she's going to act like a baby then treat her like one, ignore bad behavior
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:58 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would say let it go too. With any age of a child it is about picking your battles.
    TessLouise

    Answer by TessLouise at 10:58 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Let it go. If she sees that it gets a rise out of you (which is exactly what she wants) than she wins. Be the bigger person and put on a smile and act like it's not bothering you. Eventually she'll realize its not working and will probably take them down. Sounds like very immature behavior so I wouldn't stoop to that level. You are an adult and should act like one. Kill her with kindness and don't play her stupid games.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:07 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Have you asked her why she does this?
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 11:16 AM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Let it go. She is only trying to upset you. Or tell her its good that she has pictures of happier times between her parents, some kids don't have that. I would like to have just ONE picture of my hubby and his XW, it would be good for my SS. His mother has since died.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 2:46 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would give her the opposite reaction but never show anything about it bothering you.

    Walk in the room and find one of the photos while she's there. Say "You know, I always thought your father looked SO handsome in this photo! Would you mind if I put it up in the living room?" Then do it. Her having photos up of memories that she cherishes and make her happy should not be disrespectful in your eyes. His broken relationship with his ex doesn't negate your relationship and what you have, it's simply a part of his past... a part of what makes him who he is today. Be greatful for what he had with her, because if it had gone differently he might not have you.
    catwalksymphony

    Answer by catwalksymphony at 6:56 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would have DH talk to her about this. I am not sure I would want that to happen at my house. Especially if she is old enough to know better. I would say let it go but I have a problem and feel like this would not be my territory to talk to her about. DH would have to do the talking. I am sure he would not want my older boys doing that to their walls. Me and ex all over the walls.
    JLynn0871

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 7:49 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • No matter how hard you try, you can not ignore that her Mother exists. Try discussing the pixs with her, and why they make her feel better. What would make your relationship, better? Because as hard as she would like, she needs to learn that her parents are divorced and in new relationships. Also, I would not place so much "value into her trying to hurt you, that removes the "sting," you knew he had kids, before you were with him, so move positively into this new relationship. Do not try to replace Mom, lessen her power, include her, and why not make a padded board where she can display her photos in a "regal place of honor." if you remove the arrows, she can not harm, b/c she will see you in a different lite, you need to stop having your self esteem battered by a child, work on yourself, so you do not feel threaten, by a woman and her child. Unless, you were devious in getting this man, than you have "some explaining to do
    mamajack824

    Answer by mamajack824 at 3:23 PM on Jul. 16, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.