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Does your teen get really mad when you say "NO"?

I told my teen no that he could not go to a "all night dance party" he is so mad, he tried and tried to bargain with me, and then proceeded to tell me that's why he doesn't like living here. I am sure its because I have more rules than his dad. I am at my wits end with him. I finally said " I love having you here but if you can find a better place to live then go" I know it sounds horrible but I was so mad. I am sure he wont leave because he has a good life here. Not sure what to do with him. He begs and begs every time I say NO and then it turns into an argument.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • It takes two people to argue. Teens are the best manipulators there is...at least they try to be. He knows your rules up front. If he asks and you say No Thatsit. If he begins begging you tell him something like "you are begging like a 5 year old, if you continue you will lose XYZ for XYZ period of time. Then stick to it. Refuse to argue with them. Walk away. Yes, it does work, Yes, it is hard. Believe me my youngest was the best "but WHY" player in the world.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:06 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • My oldest will be 13 in less than 2 weeks, and so far she doesn't get that mad when I tell her no, but I'm sure she will in time. One technique from Love & Logic is to just keep answering him with, "I love you too much to argue" until he gives up on the arguement. I haven't had reason to try this technique yet, but I do see how it could help a parent keep from getting sucked into the teen's arguement or bargaining. Good luck.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 3:19 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • My teen's now almost `17yo. I just took away two things of hers not one not none. I don't negotiate with her. You got to take away entirely from sight for at least two weeks to have an effect on the punishment when something is taken away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Thanks Moms this kid has the world by the balls if he wants it. He has everything a loving home, and everything else that comes with it. Just recently he seems to think he can run me over. I was so mad this morning I was spitting bullets. I will try the "I love you to much to argue" and see how that goes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I just want to add that some teens are more argumenative then others, I have tried the "i love you to much to argue" ...to ignoring and with one of my DD's it has no effect, but she has ALWAYS been one to stand up for herself and not back down if she feels she is being wronged, it is admirable and aggrivating. But my other teens handle no much better, they do try to negotiate but don't really argue.

    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 4:37 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • No, he doesn't. I have made it a point to raise him telling him NO. At 13, he is very used to hearing the word no and dealing with it.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:55 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • You did what was right. Stay strong. He'll appreciate it later. I know that might not help now but it's true. I had it happen with my youngest dd. Her anger lasted about 4 days. Find things you can compromise on but this is a big NO. You did the right thing. My son got angry with me at age 16 and went to live with his father. He now hates me at age 36 bc I didn't make him stay with me back then! lol Sometimes we cant win!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:20 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • no my daughter is 13 and so far with me she doesn't get angry though at times she does get dissapointed with my answer. but she does understand my reasons and agree eith them.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 4:08 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • My SS gets angry as hell. His veins nearly burst out of his neck. But he's got anger issues and gotta be right all the time issue. He gets over it. My DS gets angry, pops her eyeballs and flares her nose, rolls her neck--you know, girl teen drama style. All I have to do is remind her who she's talking to and she stops that. Then I make a face and stare at her. She just starts laughing and it's over.
    mama_k228

    Answer by mama_k228 at 8:49 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

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