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Grandpa showing favoritism.... in my books.......

Maybe I am not looking at this clearly but I feel like my FIL doesn't show my DD the same attention as he does my niece (hubby's sister's DD). He does see my neice more because they all work in a family business and she keeps my niece at the business half the time. And we see them most every weekend. My DD was the first born and he showed her alot of attention and now it seems like he doesn't have time for her. Like we went to a big fmaily get together last night and my MIL ran up and grabbed my DD and my FIL didn't look or speak to her until we there for at least 10 min. and he knew we there because my DD was standing right behind him talking and he spoke to me! but as soon as my niece walks in he grabs her and hugs and kisses all over her! And he calls her "paw-paw's baby" and it irks me because he does that in front of my DD.This bothers me for my DD! Anybody else go through this? What do you do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • WELL I have gone through this but it is not something you are going to want to hear. I was the favorite grandchild out of 10 on my Mom's side...and that is including my 2 younger sisters. My Papa called me "his little Ashley" and I was the only one who he never yelled at. My younger sister was "funny face." Everyone knew I was the favorite and it didn't seem to bother least from what I saw. I could call my grandpa and he would do whatever I wanted. So in my honest opinion, I think there is always going to be a "playing of favorites" with grandchildren to some degree, but if it is bothering you, why don't you talk to him about it? Just ask him if there is a reason why he is paying more attention to the neice instead of your DD. See what he says. Maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it or maybe he didn't think it would bother anyone. Communication is the best solution!

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:41 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Oh I would be livid. Don't stand for it, it is hurting your child. Grandparents are clueless of how much detriment they can cost to children with their stupid favoritism. I would ask DH to address it simply by saying something like: So and so is growing and it is becoming more apparent that she isn't your favorite but could you at least make a conscious effort to treat her the same as ______, playing favorites is not acceptable.

    He will deny it and even maybe play stupid but if you and your dh are a unified front, grandpa has no choice but to straighten up or loose grandparents privileges. Nobody has any right to damage a child's self esteem and question her self worth. Grandpa's actions are inexcusable. you have all the right to be upset and to do something about it. Don't be a witness to such a horrible behavior, it leaves scarfs in children souls.

    Answer by bebita at 3:44 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would keep my mouth shut! The only reason is because last summer I had a similar issue. My mother is a great grandma don't get me wrong but my brother and his girlfriend broke up when she was pregnant and so when he has his son my mother helps ALOT. He works at night and so my mother would keep Him all night then all day till like 3 or so when my brother slept. She was taking on more of a mothering roll to him and it was starting to affect the other grandkids. Like if one of them were sitting on grandmas lap and he wanted her she would put down the other kids to pick him up even if it made the others cry. My oldest brother has 2 boys as well. I felt that is was hardest on my dd because we live an hour and half away and everyone else lives right there in the same town. Anywho I know how much it hurt me that my grandmother always treated me like I was second best to my cousins.

    Answer by KatSul at 3:56 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • My MIL used to show favoritism to one of our children. We weren't on the best of terms, but I did tell her, in a polite way, that we knew she preferred the one child but that the other was noticing it and feeling hurt. She was more careful after that.

    Answer by Bmat at 3:59 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Sorry I have to finish here I ran out of room. I confronted my mother about this. And it resulted in a HUGE fight and we did not speak for a couple weeks. Even then it was just short and sweet. I'm pretty sure that my dd would be more affected by me and my mother not speaking or seeing each other than by the favoritism. And now things have seemed to settle into a more normal pattern and my brother has taken more responsibilty for his own son. And yes my nephews all get to spend more time with grandma than my dd but she does call and invite my dd to stay with her. If you do decide to make an issue of it be prepared for a fight because grandparents do not appreciate being accused of favoritism.
    Just my really long 2 cents

    Answer by KatSul at 4:01 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • tell him

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:19 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I actually cut my Mil out of my first childs life because I couldn't stand to see my baby hurt (she was ignored by Mil even if she was the only child there).

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Favoritism has a detrimental effect to both parties the so called "favorite" and the "invisible child"

    I know first hand what it is like to grow up being a favorite and an invisible child by the other set of grand parents and Nope it affects no matter what the intend. Playing favorites is cruel and manipulative consciously or unconsciously done it hurts. Your duty is to protect your child and that grandpa either learns to treat you dd with respect and dignity no less affection that what he shows for the other one or I say loose privileges. Good luck and remember you can't force somebody to love your child but you can sure as hell demand of them not to hurt your child with their actions.

    Answer by bebita at 4:36 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • There are a few things going on here. First, she is the younger child. But more importantly she is daddy's little girl's little girl. Completely different dynamics then with a son's child.


    Answer by Chrissy629 at 9:55 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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