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How can we move on from my partner's cheating?

I have been with my partner since November 2008, I love him completley, he is a fantastic man, he's great with the kids, he's confident, caring, makes me laugh etc etc etc.

However he cheated on me back in May three times with 2 different women and although I have tried to forigive I have found I am struggling to forget. I desperately want to salvage this relationship but it feels so strained, I believe he made mistakes- he's a student living on campus, he jsut wanted to fit in and muck around like the others, and i understand and accept that as i believe he won't repeat it again. But I just...i am struggling to keep us going. That belief doesn't seem to be enough.

So please, any advice, anything at all would be GREATLY appreicated.

Answer Question
 
little.knickers

Asked by little.knickers at 4:24 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,322 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I personally couldn't continue to see someone who had cheated on me before. I don't see how you can get past it and it sounds like your having trouble. The truth is that you can't trust him and that is just going to have to be built back up again. My husband told me that he's only cheated on girlfriends that he didn't really see a future with. He's a nice guy, charming, funny, etc., but if he cheated on me, I would move on in the blink of an eye. I don't know if this is true to the guy you're with or not, but if he cheated on you before, it's probably because he doesn't see a future with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Get into some couple's counseling. My husband cheated on me once (he didn't finish because he immediately realized what a stupid mistake he was making), confessed to me what he did, and we got into counseling immediately. It's done wonders.

    Of course, if it happens again, kick him to the curb.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • define "partner". If he is a single man living on campus it would be reasonable to believe that it's not cheating. Maybe you think the relationship is more than it is. If he wants to forsake all others for you then get married and have him take those vows. Until he does that, imo, it's not cheating. Just make him want to be with you. He's sowing his oats. Men do that. That's what being single is about. When he decides to settle down with one woman he will make the commitment to stop seeing other women. Until then, you'll have to wait until he is ready. Meanwhile, rock his world so he won't want others. I don't mean just sex either. You represent obligation to him. That's not always good. Focus on good things, positive things and don't nag about the other women. Men cheat bc of how a woman makes him feel. Read the book, Why Men Cheat. men tell it like it is
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • He's not single though anon .39!

    He's my boyfriend! Not a fuck buddy, not a crush...he's my boyfriend, my partner. My significant other. Whatever the hell you want to call it.

    I shouldnt have to marry a man to expect him to be faithful. Im not rushing into another marriage just to clutch at strings to keep us together.
    little.knickers

    Answer by little.knickers at 4:42 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • You said that you have children, do you need to drag them into the drama of "working things out" ? Any relationship that is to last and be a meaningful one needs at least trust, commitment, love, respect. Your partner has shown lack in all of these very basic foundations. You sound if you are making up excuses for his behavior, peer pressure, wanting to fit in, those are just excuses, either he is committed to you or not. You can't lose him, he is gone and all you have is now the illusion of what you wanted to be. Sorry but I honestly think that you and your children deserve happiness, somebody who loves you, accepts you, respects you, and value you. How can he do any of these things when he is hurting you so badly? Put your children interest first, they deserve better and so do you. Don't settle for this guy, the world has millions of people, some of them don't cheat and are trustworthy. If you decide to stay try ther
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 4:46 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Sorry ran out of space. Try therapy, it works for some people but my real hope is that you will be strong and think: I deserve better and I won't settle for this crap. Would you advice your child to stay if he was experincing what you are going through? Maybe that will put things into perspective.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 4:49 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I have been cheated on in the past by a boyfriend. Somone I had been with for 7 years, and had a child with him. I made the mistake of sticking with him...at the time, and trying to work through it but the trust was never restored. The relationship was just never what it was prior to his cheating. I eventually let go and moved on, and am glad I did. I met my now husband...we've been together 9 years, and I trust him with all of my heart. I just don't think relationships can ever be healthy again after someone cheats. I may wrong, but that's my opinion. I wish you the best of luck no matter what, but let me remind you that you have kids involved here too. Protect their feelings as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would never hurt my children. They are the core of every single decision I ever make. They are unaware and completley oblivious of the strain between him and I. He does not live with us and we get along greatly when we go out as a family. My relationship is not affecting them. The strain between me and Jason only exists when we are alone together in the evenings. I would NEVER make a decision that put my children at any risk- emotional or otherwise.
    little.knickers

    Answer by little.knickers at 4:54 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I would leave this relationship and put "doesn't cheat on me" at the top of my great boyfriend requirements. You deserve better. He doesn't care about you the way you care about him. Go find someone who does. Don't sit there worrying that you won't find someone better because you TOTALLY WILL. Cheating is not acceptable, EVER! Don't settle, don't compromise yourself. If you dump his ass and he BEGS YOU forever to take him back -- DON'T. MOVE ON.
    angelface2819

    Answer by angelface2819 at 5:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • look i not going to bash you it is possible to overcome this i have been with my BOYFREIND 8 yrs he is my husband but i'm not ready to switch vows. we have our twin boys in common, he left me and had sex also with two other women he wouldn't piss on if they were burning, now i'm not sure from the post but is Jason your childrens father? if not i would say dump him but if he is the childrens father then it is in everyones best interest to patch thiings up and let a few month heal the situation i let it go jack was carefull enough to use protection and he realized he wanted and needed us but he had to come around first good luck sit down and talk like adults
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 5:54 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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