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I am in too deep, someone who has been in a situation with a drinker.

My fiance who I have twins with has a serious problem with alcohol. When I first saw in depth it was i was already pregnant with his twins. Now they are almost 2 and he has made many changes in his life for the better. The problem is it took his second DUI to start the changing. Today he took off the yellow plates after a long time waiting only to go to his parents house and drink and drive home. He even called me and I could tell right away. He claimed to have only one drink which I am use to the lies, only one drink. And his mother for some strange is such an enabler that she probably offered the beer even after all he has been through.
He has cut down significantly but I do not trust him with it. He has a problem. He longer drinks during the day and he rarely drinks to get drunk anymore. He more or less frequently drinks. What do you think??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Counseling, rehab, or an intervention. Things like that can't be taken lightly. The longer they are the worse they can become. The sooner, the better. For your family's sake I hope he can be convinced to commit full-heartedly finally.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • He needs help. An addicition is very hard to control that is why there are places like Alcoholics Annonymous. He has to want to go and realize his problem for it to work though.
    Tawanda74

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 5:59 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • One drink it to many drinks when your and alcoholic! He needs to understand that he has a problem, and he needs to just stay away from it as much as possible! His mother should care about his wellbeing and not be offering him drinks and then allowing him to drive! Maybe you should talk to him about it, and tell him your just worried about him! If he says there is nothing to worry about then ask him why he has had 2 DUI's? Maybe one night just drive and take him to and AA meeting and let him listen to the other people and he may realize he has a problem! I know it is hard but as a family his actions effect everyone! You need to deal with it before it becomes worse again!
    mrsmamaj

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 6:07 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • He is an alcoholic. And sooner or later if he doesn't stop drinking he will kill himself or someone else. What if your twins are ever in the car with him when he has been drinking??? When a person is addicted to alcohol pain is sure to follow . . . to themselves and those that love them.

    This comes from knowing. My best friend of 25 years is an alcoholic and I have known for a long time that she has needed help. She is my sister and I have feared for her at times. And I will tell you I am sure anyone in her daily life . . . other moms and people in her community had no idea that she is an alcoholic. She lives in a very wealthy community, is a wonderful stay-at-home mom and has headed up some amazing community work. No one would have know but it is killing her slowly.

    (continued)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • obviously he hasn't learned not to drink and drive. I don't care if it was just one drink. He should know better by now. What will it take to teach him? Does he have to kill someone with the car? What if he kills someone else's twins? Will that do it for him? His mother needs to be told to stop providing him with alcohol or he should refuse to go if she doesn't respect his position and condition. He needs to ask himself where is the nearest AA meeting. He has to STOP drinking. Nuff said.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • She is now five months sober. None of us could have made her do this . . . she had to be the one to make the choice. She is in AA. Even with AA it is still a huge struggle but it is giving her a chance.

    Your boyfriend is going to have to make a choice otherwise nothing will change. You don't have to drink to get drunk or during the day to be an alcoholic.

    Hope you guys can find a way!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • continued from Anon 3:08

    She is now five months sober. None of us could have made her do this . . . she had to be the one to make the choice. She is in AA. Even with AA it is still a huge struggle but it is giving her a chance.

    Your boyfriend is going to have to make a choice otherwise nothing will change. You don't have to drink to get drunk or during the day to be an alcoholic.

    Hope you guys can find a way!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • My Moms husband was an alcoholic. She also had his kids. She told him it was the alcohol or his kids. He chose his kids and never touched it again. He needs to think about his family first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • People like that are going to backslide at random times and it's going to be stressful on you. You need to decide if you can handle the stress. It isn't as though he's really thinking or meaning to hurt you or anyone, it's an addiction. He may even go for years, think he can handle a beer, and then just get wasted.
    There is a group called ALANON that can help you. This group is designed on the same principles as AA, but is set up for friends and family of alcoholics. I'm sure if you google it you can find a meeting in your area. It really does help people learn how to deal with the problem and decide if they want to stick with it for the long haul or not. Good luck and I'm sorry!
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 6:46 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • My husband has this same problem. He told me he's never giving up alcohol. He also smokes weed like a chimney. He also said he's never giving that up. He said he's going to be a functional alcoholic and If I can't deal with it, then I should divorce him. He says he's not hurting anyone and he doesn't get out of control, so I should just deal with it. He lies when he drinks and tries to hide alcohol in his truck. He will drink and drive with myself and the kids in the car. He will take the keys and wont let me have them because I "drive too slow". I don't know how to help you, but I do know how you feel. I like the advices of these ladies, but my husband doesn't want help, can't hold a job, and has failed out of college. He is a sweet loving man. He loves the kids and I. I truly love and enjoy his company, but these problems have been hard to deal with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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