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Marriages woes have caused feelings to change. Help

Have been in an unhappy marriage for several years. My hubby spent his time in the garage away from me and we rarely had any we time unless I really pushed the issue and then it was like he did it out of guilt. Sex stopped completely. We were like roommates in the house. I asked him to see a marriage counselor with me and he refused. Finally after exhausting all of my efforts, I told him I wanted a separation. He didn't think I was serious, but when he finally realized I wasn't joking, he half-heartedly started trying to change things. Unfortunately, he is now smothering me. I feel like I cant breathe. Overkill is what I call it. I have also realized that my feelings for him have changed. What I thought I wanted, I no longer want. I dont want to hurt him, but my feelings after so long ignored are not there anymore. It is not fair to him to pretend that my feelings are there. What should I do? Listen to my heart?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You should start by having a serious conversation about how you both feel. Maybe you just need to sorta start over. Like go out on dates and do things that you used to do before this happened. I wouldn't be to quit to give up without at least trying to make sure that you don't have the same feelings. I hope this helps. And I hope everything works out good for you.

    Samantha_1629

    Answer by Samantha_1629 at 8:38 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Live and speak your truth . . . gently but still be true to how you feel. Not living in truth doesn't make for a happy heart or life. Just because you speak your truth doesn't mean the marriage is completely over. There could still be some hope. However, if you don't speak your truth do you really have a marriage? Good luck!
    TessLouise

    Answer by TessLouise at 8:47 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Never satisfied, huh? First he isn't there, now he is TOO there....I feel bad for him. You sound really selfish right now. But hey, be another statistic and get a divorce. Congrats on another failed marriage. SO MUCH FOR YOUR VOWS.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Talk to him. He's thinking he's giving you what you want. Tell him moderation works but if your feelings for him have changed then it's a bit tough. There is a good book called For Better or For Best by Gary Smalley. It talks about a couple who both were throwing in the towel then they regrouped and worked it out. It's worth a shot. I got the book from the library. I liked it and I'm not even married! It just makes good sense though, what he teaches.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:09 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I think you should try your best to rekindle those vowels go on a vaction and remeber the good old days and look at old pictures talk to thim tell him how you feel after all that and you still want to separate I do not belive in divorce but maybe that is what you have to do hope it works out for you
    GatorChick

    Answer by GatorChick at 10:14 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Listen to your heart. You know what you want and need. Damage done.
    debbiewebbie

    Answer by debbiewebbie at 6:58 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

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