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Am I over reacting?

My husband likes to have sex alot.But ever since I got pregnant the first time my sex drive has gone down.Now we have two kids and it hasnt gotten any better.With my second child I had a c-section and now I get bad cramps so I dont have sex to often cuz I cramp bad.We rarely have time to be intimate now and when we do have time Im to tired.So he sneaks out to the computer and watches porn videos.He knows that I dont like this but continues to do it.Now he told me today that he wants a divorce because I dont do anything around the house or in the bedroom to satisfy him anymore.Should I try to make things work or give him the divorce he wants?

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Asked by krazymomma427 at 9:33 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • ha! If my husband come to me and said that I would tare him a new one. First, your husband needs to know why you aren't into sex much anymore. If it causes you pain or your just to tired, then he should understand, but also if these things are going on with you, the you should also understand that he needs to meet those needs and if him looking at porn does that, the i would rather that then him cheat. Tell him these things, then say okay. I'll give you a divorce and leave it at that. You will see whether he was serious or just said that out of frustration.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 9:38 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Sounds like he needs to be more patient and instead of asking for a divorce find out what he or you two can do to improve the situation does he have any idea how LONG DRAWN OUT AND MESSY divorce is?! Or does he usually overreact and say cruel things like that? Tell him you need his husbandly support for you to get better so you can sex him the way you want...I donno I hope things get better for you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Sex is important in a relationship, that is true, but sounds like your DH is being very coldhearted. Its not like you just aren't having sex just for the hell of not wanting to have it! It causes you discomfort and pain. He should understand that. However I do think you should try and find some way that you both can be intimate that isn't uncomfortable for either of you. But if he is actually threatening a divorce over this, I would be FURIOUS! To end a relationship only because of intimacy issues is extrememly selfish and immature. And I agree with the 1st poster. I would tell him fine to the divorce and see what he says. Maybe he was just bluffing.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 9:42 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • It sounds like he's tired of being the only one who's understanding.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 9:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • One, I dont think you are over reacting. I think he is being selfish. Unfortunatly the only one who knows if you should fight for yur relationship or let it go is you. Think about how much you've been through together, how much you care for him, can you except living without him. I wish you luck, how ever things turn out in your relationship.

    Answer by HappyMamaBear at 9:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • what do you want? If you want out then divorce him. If not then make him stay and suffer like all wives do

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • My husband got sent out the door because he was cheating on me.He cheated because WE have a son with autism and he said I was giving all of my attention to OUR son.TRUE. OUR son wore me out every day. If you don't have sex with him someone will and he will find it. Sorry to be so blunt but that is how it is.

    Answer by myspecialonemat at 10:05 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I hated sex after my second child as well. They were close together and my body took several years to really recover. Even if your baby is several years old, if you are having trouble bouncing back, you could be a bit depressed.
    Tell your husband to get over himself and help you get to where you both want you to be. Get a check up, a gyno consult, and start making your husband watch the kids while you work out and do something for yourself. Once you feel better and have more energy, the house and your sex life will be easier to manage.


    Answer by pat7879 at 10:13 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • (sorry, wasn't done)
    Shame on him for letting himself look at porn, it's the beginning of the end as far ascheating and divorce. Tell him to forget about a divorce, to give up the porn and concentrate on YOU. You in turn can make a commitment to take care of yourself FIRST (as far as staying healthy and happy, because if you aren't happy, no one in your family can be), then your husband (he does need to feel like he's getting attention), then your children. We tend to do this in reverse order, and it turns out a disaster.

    Answer by pat7879 at 10:15 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • So, you won't satisfy him and you won't let him satisfy himself?? Have you talked to a doctor about your problem? I mean, seriously, YOU have the problem, not him. Are you doing anything about it? If you don't care about him, let him go. If he were so insensitive to your needs how would you feel? Your needs/wants/feelings aren't the only ones that matter and yes, I think you're being selfish and acting like his needs/wants/feelings don't matter at all.

    Answer by Avarah at 11:47 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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