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Scard to have my baby

okay i have a 4 year old little girl i was 16 when i had her so her grandparents on the dads side adopted her i knew at the time it was the best for her. I still get to have her every other weekend, i am now 23 and i am about to have another baby i am scared like i am not sure i know what to do i feel like a first time mom bc i kinda am. any advice? What if i fail again?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Jul. 10, 2009 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • U dont have to be scared... Do u feel that way maybe because u left the first one behind and now u will raise the other ?? That is normal u feel that way. Things happen in life and u cant take back what is done but what u can do is look for it!! U will be a great mom. Just make sure that now u have time for both of them . they are BOTH ure children. Good luck

    Answer by Ellie.407 at 11:41 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • We all feel that way when we are going to have a new baby! It's normal... it shows it means a lot to you to do good, and that's a Good Thing! What helped me was to get as much education on parenting and babies and the best way to do things. I've read online, I've researched anything controversial and made educated decisions on what to do as a parent. For me, knowledge has always been a good way to ease my worries.

    Answer by Seven07 at 11:25 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • A lot of time a person is scared when they don't have enough information. Educate yourself about what to do with a baby. Join a mother's group like Mom's Club for more support. Ask your ob/gyn for more resources on raising a baby. Talk with your family, too!
    I also recommend the book, Baby 411 for practical help.

    Answer by timelessglass at 11:26 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I was scared too with my first child at the age of 32 but you will be fine!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 11:26 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • well if you already have one kid having a second will be a peice of pie and from what i heard a much faster delivery too but about having a kid at such a young age that you dont care for all i can wish you with this one is that you take more responsibility and better yourself so that you can teach your child a better life then what you had, good luck

    Answer by mirit.rose at 11:26 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • its not that i didn't care for her i have no way to support her and give her the life she deseved she didnt deseve to be help back from doing things in life because i wasn't able to provide for her the way i needed to at 16. she has a real good life where she is at and very happy i could not have provided that to her at 16 and i was responsiable enough to know that she shouldnt suffer for my mistake.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • Don't be scared. You no longer are that 16 y/o girl who was not prepared to parent. Taking care of your DD on the weekends has helped you keep a bond with her even though your parents are raising her. This child doesn't replace her. You do get to "start over" as a young mother who has gained a lot of experience at life. Yes, in some ways you are a first time mom. It's going to be 24/7 with this one, but don't let your choice NOT to parent the first child (best choice at the time, given the circumstances, can't go back, only forward now) make you feel "less-than" or guilty about this child. The fact that you are worried about it, tells me already that you are a good mother. You are having feelings that are normal. Once you look into those little eyes, and count those fingers & toes, it will all fall into place. You can expect to be more emotional for a while, but you can trust yourself to do a great job. Do you have long to go?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:36 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • I'm a little confused. If you are 23 and you had a little girl when you were 16 she would be 7 not 4.
    Why do you think you failed?

    It's common to be afraid of becoming a mom and this will be the first time you will be taking care of your baby. You may not have a lot of experience. Your hormones are making you feel emotional. You may experience intense feelings about your previous pregnancy. Some moms want to be better than their mom. You don't mention a partner, so you may be going through all this alone.

    Advice - Get a doula for the birth.
    Breastfeed. It gives you the hormonal advantage. Every time you nurse you get endorphins and oxytocin, the love hormone. Don't try to breastfeed - make sure you breastfeed. Nurse soon after birth, room in with your baby, nurse often, no bottles, get help with problems. Don't buy bottles and formula - then you won't be tempted to use them.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:37 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • If you were 16 when you had her...and she's 4 years old now....then you would be 20 years old, not 23. 16+4=20. how does that work out?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

  • BTW, "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp is a book that gives you 5 sure-fire ways to calm a crying baby. (The 5 S's). Check it out on I LOOOOVED IT!!! It really worked. Or you could see if your local library has it or used book stores or used kids things stores.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:40 PM on Jul. 10, 2009

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