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Is it normal?

Does anyone know of a HAPPILY married man with small children who feels the need to go hang out with his buddies at least 3-4 nights a week? Is it unreasonable to think that if he were happy at home, he would occasionally stay there voluntarily?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:49 AM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Do you actually pay attention to him or do you just expect him to do your job since he's at home? Does he get to relax after working all day? Does he get to enjoy his children? Do you treat him the way you treated him BEFORE you had children? Do you nag him the minute he walks in the door? Answer these questions truthfully to yourself then ask again if it's normal.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 8:27 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Wow, the previous comment was a little bitchy! Uh, I would say no. If it really is bothering you, try talking to him. Alot of the time men are not observant of things that are bothing their spouse or significant other. Try making time for just him and letting him know how important he is to you and the kids. Sometimes, especially after having kids, you just need to reconnect. Encourage family time and ask him to interact with the kids. I hope things get better!
    etsmom

    Answer by etsmom at 8:39 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I think Chrissy had some good questions... some of those answers could be part of the solution to OP dilema. Are they sugar coated? No.... but at least they are honest!
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 9:15 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • First....he might be immature. Second....it could be true that he can relax when he is with his buddies but when he is home, maybe the kids get on his nerves and maybe you don't allow him to relax or you don't make him feel that he is appreciated. Many factors involved here and we are only hearing your side of the story.
    Just being honest. ;-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • He is entitled to some time off, but 4 nights a week out seems more than it should be. One night, maybe- just my opinion. It would be a good idea to talk to him and suggest or get him to suggest that it be one day a week but that he gets time to relax when he gets home from work, then supper, then play with the children/homework or at least one hour of family time somehow. Taking a walk with the family. or book time, or playing some games. Just for an hour. Or if not family time even, then he takes the kids for an hour so you get your hour break, this seems fair, and then one evening a week the hour is spent as a family. Don't dictate, approach it as a problem you both need to work out.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:25 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • sure he' s happy. That is why he takes you for granted. You are like his maid/nanny/whore - always there for his pleasure and he can do whatever he wants. (I am NOT calling you a whore. I'm just saying that's how some men think - that the wife is there to take care of all his needs). Tell him if he is happy and likes that you are there for him then he better show you he appreciates you and the kids or one day he'll come home and it will all be gone. 3-4 weeks out with the guys is way too much. What if you wanted 3 -4 nights out with the girls? I bet he'd flip out
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:51 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • OP here- just for the record for the first answer- I work full time and pay most of the bills- he has a part time job and is home with the kids a few days a week. I run all the errands. I do most of the housework, at least 75% of it. I would probably have more energy to pay attention to him if I wasn't so exhausted from handling most of the responsibilities myself. Plus I am always the one to bathe the kids and put them to bed. None of this made me resentful until he started behaving as though he was the one who always needed a break and took off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

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