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how can I show dh that he is as much at fault as I am?

I went to the store yesterday and bought ds (3y/o) some pull ups. he is fully potty trained at home but not when we are out so I thought the cool feeling ones would help him want to tell us when he has to go (thus saving us money in the long run) then I brought up that I would like to save $5 - $10 a week for a few weeks so we can buy a hand held vaccuum so ds can help out more around the house when dd is born. he started bitching that we are really hard up for money (which I agree we are) well he stops at mc donalds and other fast food places all the time! plus he drives around in circles wasting gas and rents movies at least once a week. how can I show him that he's "wasting" as much (if not more) money than me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • OP HERE- and I do extra things to get a little money here and there but its hard being 8 months pregnant with a 3 y/o that I can't afford to put in daycare til I get a job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • You have to be straight up with him, we are also expecting and we have a 4 y/o, there is no other way, well at least an easier way then just tell him that he needs to cut fast food, and perhaps enjoy whatever is on tv, rather then renting so often.... Good Luck!! Make a spending plan for every two weeks on what YOUR personal expenses are (from each other), and do a budget, make sure you guys follow it and you'll see it does work!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Write it down. Men are visual people. Show him where the money goes and where it can be saved. COLOR code it so he can see what expenses HE makes that are unnecessary. Even if you don't know what he spent at McDonalds, write it down anyway.The more he sees his colors he'll see his spending pattern and see it's over board

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:56 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Next time he brings up something that you have bought that he doesn't consider worth it, stay calm and say that you hear what he is saying and you appreciate that he has shared his concerns with you. Then go on to say that you wonder if he also could help with the budget by taking his lunch instead of buying at MacDonalds, and so forth. Say how about if we both watch what we spend more. Say I'll stop buying (whatever) and you'll stop buying (whatever.) Ask him Is this OK with you? and if not, what would he suggest.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:59 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Love Bmat's response...very sensible!

    Answer by hermajesty2 at 11:28 AM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • If you are worried about things being his fault or your fault, your marriage may already be in trouble! Especially over something like this. In twenty years its not going to matter if he rents a few movies goes to McDonalds or if you buy pull ups or a hand held vac. Marriage is not about keeping score. He's worried about your spending and you are worried about his, I get that. But no one is at fault. Even most financial advisors will tell you that you have to have some discretionary income. You cannot budget every last dime you own. Give each of yourselves an "allowance", budget that amount and go from there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

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