Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Has anyone given a unborn child up for adoption? Do u regret it?

just looking for insight....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (25)
  • Yes and yes. Although I think you mean newborn child as it is not legal to make pre-birth adoptions. There is usually at least 48 hours before the mother is allowed to sign papers. Mothers who have given their children up for adoption are known as birth mothers and there are several birth mom groups here on cafemom.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:51 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Yes I surrendered my oldest son to adoption.

    Yes I regret it!

    Someone much wiser than me once said, surrendering your child to adoption is a journey where there is a beginning, a middle, but never an end.

    To me, that is a perfect way to explain my experience. There have been so many ups and downs in my journey as a bmom, but there will never come an "end" for the way adoption has changed me. From the loss and grief both my oldest son and I carry inside us.

    Like Onethentwins mentioned, I would suggest checking out some of the bmom groups here on CafeMom. You will find many women in many different parts of their journey and many different answers to how, or if, adoption affected them.
    bellacocco

    Answer by bellacocco at 2:03 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Yes I have an no I do not regret it. I did what was best for my baby. Im not saying it was easy. She has a wonderful life with people who love her and can provide better than I can. I placed her for adoption 9 years ago. Think about what you truly want to do. Make sure its your choice and yours alone. Everyone is different. There are many women who regret it and many who do not. In the end, you have to decide what is best for your child and your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • If you had asked this question, five, ten, and even fifteen years after I had given up my daughter, I would have told you it was the best thing I could have done for my child. That she had great parents. That I made an unselfish decision to give her a better life than I could.

    I would have, as so many other first moms, repeated, almost word for word, what I was told when I was pregnant about how great adoption was. I even, for a time, felt somewhat better than other first moms who weren't so "happy" with their decision because I was feeling and acting exactly how everyone expected, which made me feel good and accepted, something I desperately needed.

    What I didn't realize was that, even during that time I was still suffering from losing my daughter, I just didn't realize that was the cause. I, like so many other first moms I know, HAD to believe I did the right thing. That I really couldn't give my child a (cont)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • good life, because it was my way of going on with life and surviving the loss of my own flesh and blood.

    What I would suggest, above all else, is to read the experiences of those who have gone decades with their loss and who have just begun, are in the early decades, of their loss, and read the differences in their feelings, their grief. I know, if you do that, you will find a pattern of those who are still early in their loss (up to about fifteen years) and those who have lived with it for years, faced PTSD, trauma, and so many other emotional affects because they, like those who follow now, were happy and believed they could not give their child the best, only to realize, after years of burying the true loss of losing a child, the very real realization of what adoption does to a mother separated from her son or daughter.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • To what the poster above me said, that was me completely. I was so far in to the I am happy about losing my son mode that I even counseled pregnant women from my agency about how great adoption was.

    I hate that I did that now. I feel terrible that I had a part in convincing other women to give up their children. If I could go back and change that, I would without a second thought.

    I have found so many many times that it is very common for us birthmoms to be okay with our child's adoption for years because we do have to believe that what we did was right because believing otherwise and seeing the truth of what happened is just to painful. And I have also found that there are so very few who believe this as time goes by and we start to realize and learn that nobody was better for our child than us and we should have never believed others could give our own children a better life because that is just wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I haven't, but I am choosing adoption for my baby due to personal reasons. I am not being forced. No one cornered me and told me adoption is better than me parenting. I made the decision myself. I looked into all of my options. Spoke with counselors and people who have been through all experiences. Only you can say what is best for yourself and your baby. Only you know your circumstances.
    PomMomz

    Answer by PomMomz at 8:16 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I don't regret it. Some on here do and thats fine. But for a lot mothers and adoptees it is what is best depending on the situation. jut remember to look out for your baby. Do not worry about providing anyone with a baby or making a childless couple happy. This has to be because it is the best thing for you both in the future, not just what sounds good right now. A woman in a support group i belong to planned on adoption, but decided against it when she gave birth which is understandable.She took her baby home and have struggled ever since. she admitted to resenting her child, now a teenager. their home was never stable, they have struggled which has caused them to have a struggling relationship but she had kept her too long to relinquish her. She said if she could go back, she would have chosen adoption. keeping the baby looked like a dream when she gave birth, but it was a harsh reality when she took her home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Totally don't regret it. And I'd do it again if I had to. It isn't about what other people think or want. Its what's best for you and your baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Anon above me - I am so sorry but there are times when I have to say as a birthmother who knows and talks to many other birthmothers as well as someone who also raised children as a teenager, your response sounds about as false as possibly imaginable.

    OP - I agree, the choice needs to be yours completely and I agree with the first two who suggested you look at the different groups here wtih birthmoms from all different situations.

    But please do not listen to those who create stories such as this because I promise you they are not the reality and are created to push fear into you that if you were too raise your child you would supposively "hate" you child as well.

    I have never in my life heard a REAL mother ever talk about her children in such a way. Infact, every mom I know who decided to keep her child actually cherished her child that much more because she almost lost them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Adoption
Books on adoption

Next question overall (Babies (0-12 months))
I WANT 2 STOP BF!