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Cafe moms please help?

Let me start off by saying my sons father is a good dad and he has been in his life since day one. But he doenst always make good the past he has put his hands on my and i had to get a restraing order on we have not been together since then..he has been watching are son since he doesnt work and i did but a few weeks he got drunk and got beat up badly so i had 2 call in and let my job know what was going on and they let me go now i have no money, and i have 3 more days left in my apartment.i bought a plane ticket to florida for dirt cheap..But I am now second guessing myself ..his dad doesnt no i am leaving and he thinks everything is fine..i am starting to feel a little guilty but if i stay here i will be misirable and will have to live in a shelter and start from scratch because of him I really want to leave and be happy i have talked about leaving in the past and he didnt agree? So what would u do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I know my friend had to get permission to leave the state with her son. I think you can get into trouble for that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Do what you have to do to get out. A man shouldn't be around you or your son if he's beating you up. I don't know about the leaving the state thing with your might want to check into that. What kind of people do you work for? Instead of helping you they let you go??? That sounds crazy to me.

    Answer by lowencope at 2:21 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • It sounds like you need a fresh start, but you shouldn't just take off with the child. My cousin lost her kids because she fled to FL to escape an abusive relationship with their father. Of course, she quickly got hooked on drugs once she lost them and didn't fight to get them back. Anyway, maybe you should tell the father what you're doing. He might support your decision and work with you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • You cannot take that baby out of state without the fathers permission. If he chooses to enforce the law, that is. I realize that his choices have caused you to have some issues too, but this is what happens when we create children with people we wouldnt marry. I am not sure I understand why your job fired you. You didnt have to tell them the entire story. Simply calling in and saying...hey, I am in the midst of a family emergency and the details are private, but I will be happy to make up my hours tomorrow, or even having someone else on call to cover for you. Usually employers are good to understand if the absences are few and far between but if they feel you have had more than your share of absences or drama, they have a right to let you go. Unless someone died or your vomiting or bleeding from the head, missing work is not okay. I think that you need to limit your relationship with him to strictly your son.

    Answer by momofsaee at 2:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • since it wont let me edit this question i wanted to add on..i have no family here to take care of my son i put him in a daycare and he received a 3rd degree burn so i had to take him out and since his dad hasnt worked in a year i though it would be a problem..the problem with my job was that they said i should have let them no in advance and since his dad was beatin up to the point where he could open his eyes i didnt no that so i had to ask for a week off and i am a Administrative assistant so i just cant call anyone and have them cover me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Are you and the father married? Were you at the time your son was born? If not then it may be perfectly fine for you to leave the state - you need to do a google search and be sure though.

    As for 2nd guessing yourself; don't. You need to do what's best for you & your child to be safe and secure; is that going to happen living in a shelter? I don't think so. If your coming to FL to family; that sounds like the best idea.

    There are questions here though - if you have a restraining order against your ex for 'putting his hands' on you; how are you dropping your child off to be watched? Aren't you violating your own RO? Bottom line is the man (good dad or not) obviously has an issue with temper & violence; even if he doesn't do anything to your son; is that the example you want your son to learn from? How to be just like Dad?

    Do your search make sure it's legal; and get out of dodge - call him once you're gone

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • If there is a visitation order, you may not be able to leave. If there isn't....then you are free to go. If there is and thier is no stipulation about you moving out of are free to go.

    Having said that....I would still leave. My childs welfare comes above all else, if you are moving with family that is. Otherwise I can not see where living in a shelter is a better choice. Once in Florida I would notify dad and let him know that you will do everything in your power to make sure that your son and him get to see each other once you are settled. And that you didn't make this choice lightly but felt for the benefit of your son you needed to go where you could get help and back on your feet. If he is like most men (not all) he won't go to court.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 3:45 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • If there is a custody agreement, you can NOT just take your child and leave the state, no matter the reason. You could be jailed for custodial interference. You really need to talk to the father and tell him what is going on. How would you feel if it was the other way around?

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:20 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Please contact the domestic violencehot line. They will help you. 800 799 7233

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:30 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

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