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concerning my bff

my bff"s husband is leaving for afghanastan in a couple of days.everytime he gets deployed she goes off the deep end.understandably so,but,she doesnt talk and she locks herself in the house and wont let her kids play with anybody...she wont talk to me and she asks like there is no problem,my question is why does she become so beligerent when he is gone?the marriage obviously stinks because when hes home there never together and she chooses to stay here with her family instead of being with him.but he does love his children.confused...go easy please.....

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • my husband travels all the time for work. Every time he leaves, I get the same way as your friend. After a few days though I am fine. It's really hard to explain. It's like I am tripping a switch in my head. Going from two-parent mode to one-parent mode. There's sadness because he is gone. There's this "oh my" I have twice the workload again thing going on. It just takes time to adjust to the changes. Having people around while I am doing that is hard and I get crabby. I don't mean to, but I can't help it.
    When my husband is home, we are never together. I have a life that doesn't involve him. Work, school, friends, etc, it goes on whether he is home or not. When he is home, he isn't comfortable with those areas. He is so used to his life that my life can't become our life when he is home. It's too confusing for both of us and makes him leaving again that much harder. The kids are the one exception to that.

    Answer by oh_tracie at 7:05 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Because no matter how bad their relationship might seem, she relies on him to be that support system. When he is gone, everything is on her. She no longer has him to turn to in the event she might want to. That is a lot of stress for anyone. Just be supportive since you are her BFF. She needs you right now. Just be there.

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 7:07 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • ever heard of borderline personality disorder? There is a great book called I HATE YOU DON"T LEAVE ME. That says it all for relationships that have folks in it who have bpd. They are normally dysfunctional to say the least but when the healthy one leaves the other goes nuts thinking she's being abandoned. She has to work through it....that is of course if she even has the disorder.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:40 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

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