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I need help with my b/fs children!!!!

First off this situations a little sticky, Im 22 my bf's 37. My child is going to be 4, his are 13,soon to be 18 and he has a 14 yr old everyother wknd.We moved in together, and im having sooo many problems with the kids, the 13 yr old boy doesnt listen to me at all no matter what tactics i try to use he will not help at all. The 17 yr old thinks shes queen and everything has to be her way, shes leaving for college soon and i hope that helps, but for instince today she was texting the 14yr old talking about me, and accidently sent a message about me to me! how rude for 1 and how do i deal with this? my bf is all upset and expects that i be fine that hurt, i understand he shouldnt have to pick me or the kids but how do you get this to work? Ive been nothing but nice, giving them money,throwing them parties, even to give my laptop up for her for college! Im sooo sick of being refered to as SHE. how do i get them to respect me?


Asked by mememecassie at 7:11 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Don't do any more little extras no matter what you say or do it still some how makes you feel like you haven't done enough. Just do what you can but don't over do it (just to keep yourself Treat them with love and care and that is all Yeah they'll appreciate it but they also need to make you feel like your special as well, until they change their ways towards you you just do enough to get by with them. Like you said the girl will be leaving to college soon and hell yeah that will help after she leaves just let the boy be a boy and yes he needs to get off his butt and do something around the house as well. It can not be all on you all of the time. GL

    And get your laptop back get her a used one from the pawn shop you don't know how she will be treating it..that is my thought you know her better than I.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 2:40 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Sorry, but you can't. They are way too close in age to you. I would never had respected a step mom just a few years older than me. I know it is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • When the kids are as close to your age as they are, respect is gonna have to be earned. It seems as though you've been trying to "buy" their respect and kids can see right through that. You are not in any position to discipline them or anything like that. That is their father's place to do that. They probably resent the fact that their father is seeing someone as close in age with them as you are, and living with their father isn't a wise thing to do in any case. It seems that the kids have no respect for you and demanding it isn't gonna work.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • ADDING MORE. The thing is he wanted me to be stayin at home with the 13 yr old. Also the 17 yr old isnt here enough to try to do anything with. He tells the 13 yr old to listen, as to he works long shifts sometimes 4am to 2am. a short hr day is 6am-6pm Im the only one here for them, i cook for them clean for them do there laundry, you name it. and there isnt a one of them that i ever tried to discipline, just its hurting there father and because they are so used to being the only ones and the 17yr old the women of the house they think this behavior is funny. She leaves with in weeks for college and i know that her talking bad has ruined my chances with the other kids, the 14 yr old has never had a problem in fact we do everything together and get along great she hasnt said a word to me since the 17yr old has texted her talking about me! Its frustrating, We are happy and have had no problems till this all started.

    Answer by mememecassie at 7:44 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I don't think you should try for a step-mom or friend relationship with them. I think the best way to go would be you are a bunch of people living in a house. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and figure out what needs done and how it's going to get done. Then together you need to meet with everyone and explain how it's going to be.

    It sounds like you are the housekeeper and child wrangler. Do you want to do this? Is there money to pay someone to take care of the house? Could you get a job and pay someone to take care of the house?

    He wants you to stay home and take care of his kids and his house and cook. You're not married. He works long hours. What's in this for you? You can come live with me and take care of my house and cook. You will have lots of free time and no one will be mean to you!

    Answer by Gailll at 8:18 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • You'd be SHE even if you were the same age as their dad. You are too close in age with them to be any kind of disciplinarian. How long have you been living together? I think you're in for a bumpy road ahead Mememe. It can take years for blended families to get comfortable with each other. Sometimes they never do.

    It's not fair to you, for him to saddle you with hostile kids like that while he's away from the home for such a long period during the day. When you get right down to it, they are not your responsibility and you shouldn't feel guilted into it. But that's kind of hard now, now that you've moved in with him. I understand he's got to work long hours, but what about YOUR life? What do you want for yourself? When are you going to get a chance to follow your dreams? You're young still. Right now you're a live-in nanny. What are you getting out of it?

    Answer by mama_k228 at 8:43 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I agree. You can't parent these kids, and it will only hurt their relationship if you try. Just try to be a friend with them, and when things come up, defer to Dad. Always.

    Answer by BirdMommyC at 1:15 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Those kids will never respect you. I know I wouldn't in that situation. I agree with some of the other posters. Be roommates. But in all honesty, they won't ever like you. It's just how it goes.

    Answer by Debbie062008 at 8:05 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • ANSWERS, some of you asked how long weve lived together 4mths. The problem is 2 of them did like me, and for whatever the oldest has told them they been acting weird. I enjoyed being with them and we did everything together. Its hurting me sooo bad expecially with the 14 yr old acting this way she has liked me since she was like 7. It sucks, and they have all loved my daughter who will be 4 soon and have never treated her badly, yesterday was horrible and through them being mean and rude my daughter says I love you to them,she has taken to the 17 yr old and calls her big sister. The really sad part they all helped and wanted this, they were asked there opionions and all were excited that it was happening. even the 17yr old, she told me her dad hasnt been this happy in forever and she wanted him to be happy when she left, and not alone, she made me promise i would be like "them" and that i wouldnt hurt him, so its ok for them?

    Answer by mememecassie at 10:22 AM on Jul. 12, 2009