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I love you, but I'm not in love....HELP!

My dh & I lost a son in Oct 07 (we have two dd). We had a rough patch following & my dh told me he didnt love me. I left & then he begged me back. We went to therapy & joined a grief therapy group. Been thinking everything is good here until he got let go of @ his job almost a month ago. He has been applying everywhere & we are keeping it secret. Well, last night he tells me he loves me, but he is not in love with me & has all of these ideas on how when we split up I can keep the house. I am so pissed! He said he has been feeling like this for 2 yrs & has tried, but he cant do it anymore. WTF am I to do!!!!!!?????!!!

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Asked by texas_mama at 7:23 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Oh my. I am so very sorry. If he wants out, it would seem that that is all you can do. Consult a lawyer. Get as much money as you can in a bank account in your own name. Protect your interests and those of your daughters.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I'm really sorry for your loss and what your husband has said to you. It sounds like he is trying to be honest with you about how he feels, while it hurts like hell, isn't honest the best way to go?

    I'm not sure there is much you can do but to grieve your marriage. And hold on to the thought that at the end of this you WILL be okay. That you WILL come through this and once again find a good place in your life.

    Wishing you the best.

    Answer by TessLouise at 7:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Have you considered trying to win him back? Trying to make him fall back in love with you? Think back to when you dated, before you were married, what did you do to hook him? Chances are the things that brought him to you in the first place can win him over again =)

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 7:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Let him go, fate will take it's course
    you are in my heart and prayers

    I think my boyfriend does not love me and only keeping around because we have a child together

    You and I are in the same boat, but your are a bit ahead of me in the journey to your new life without your man

    Answer by boredmom44 at 7:31 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Tell him during a crisis like a major job loss is not the time to make life changing decsions. He may indeed be feeling this way for a long time..but it also sounds like he doesn't handle stress very well. Losing a job is an extremely stressful time. Mentally, physically and emotionally. I hope things get better for you.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:33 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • i can boyfriend and i have been together 5yrs and almost split up once but nothing come of it.i don't know for sure but i feel we are mostly together due to our daughter.i love him but i am not in love with him anymore not sure but i think he feels the same.we have communication problems and i haven't heard i love u in about 3-4yrs its hard.we have our good days and bad days and yes we still have sex. as for what to do try talking to him and if he is for sure about it do what you can to make the best of it and split up.sorry i have nothing better than that but u cant make something work if its not going to of luck to you and your kids

    Answer by alyssa1 at 7:42 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I know this is wrong but I feel the same way. I love my boyfriend but I have all these ideas about if we broke up then I would be ok, probably happier. But thats only cuz he is a control freak and a tad bit verbally abusive. You should just let him go. Wouldnt letting him go feel so much better then thinking about if he loves you or loves you not? I know that I could do so much better without someone tying me down.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • If its meant to be it will be. Separate for a while, see what happens. If you get back together let it be him deciding so you know how he really feels. If not then its best to let him go because you deserve to be w someone who is in love with you. You can't be happy knowing the person you are with isn't happy and doesn't really want to be with you. I am sorry this is happening to you.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 7:47 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Thank you all for replying. I dont think he handles stress well either. I dont even know that I could "win" him back anymore. And the separation thing, we have one car & dont know he would even have a place to stay. He is gone this evening & wont tell me what he is doing. Last night he stayed gone until 9am this morning. He told me over the phone what he was feeling. We talked a little this morning, but he just kept say, "what do you think" or "what do you want to do"? UMMM WTF DO YOU THINK I WANT TO DO! I have never fallen out of love with him & that is the hard part. I feel this came out of left field too. If we had been fighting or hitting each other or cheating, then I could see the reasoning. So frustrated & right now he wants to play the whole "charades" thing while he finds a job. But act single already. As far as I know there is no one else, but what person is really going to tell that part of it?

    Answer by texas_mama at 7:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • thank him for his candor and start splitting things up. It's not a terrible thing. Sometimes we just have to accept life as it is and move on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

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