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Mom needs help understanding

My kid was mad at me today but that did not bother me; it was when she yelled at me "I hate you moma". When we got home I explained to her since she is only 5 what hate mean ,compaired to just not liking what is happening means. still hours later it still makes me just want to cry since my child told me she hates me even though I do not believe she realy feels that way she was just made because she had to leave. I was just woundering if anyone would have an idea why this bothers me so much and or what I can do so the next time she tells me that it does not bother me as much.

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Asked by Tdaycare6678 at 8:14 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 7 (194 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • just remember she doesn't mean it, and if she says it again, just say "i love you too"

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • It's your child using very strong words and it hurts you like a knife. I'm sorry but for me if my child even says that to me it's gonna hurt and make me cry for hours no matter if I know they don't mean it. Just work throw it with your little one and wait till tomorrow and explain to her that it hurts mommy when you say things like that. I really hope that can help you some. Have a good night mommy and your doing your best. Keep your head up "moma".

    Answer by raemommy at 8:20 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Understand that that exact moment your child does not like you - and that's OK! Your job as a parent is not to have your child always like you - you're job is to help them grow to become sucessful adults. She may 'hate' you at that moment - but she also loves you. The two are not exclusive.

    GIve your child the tools she can use to deal with those feelings. If she says she hate's you - acknowledge her feelings and label them so she knows - like "I know you're angry (or frustrated or upset or whatever), but we still had to go." Then she'll be able to better lable her feelings instead of resorting to "hating" you she can say she's angry or other label for the emotion.

    I'm so sorry that it hurt you so. Sometimes we have this fantasy of our children gaving this unconditaionl love for us - and while they do love us, they'll also get angry at us too, just like we get angry at them and still love them. Hang in there!

    Answer by eringobrough at 8:45 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • All kids do this at some time or another. I was hurt when mine did it for the first time as well. I've learned though, the best thing to do is just simply say to them.." it really hurts my feelings when you say that to me, but I love you very much and always will." It seems to give them a moment of pause and to rethink what they just said. Usually, they'll get quiet after that and within a few minutes they'll say they're sorry.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 9:10 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Know in your heart that your doing a good job. When she says it again, just say, "Oh I"m sorry you feel that way, but I love you." I read somewhere once that if your child tells you they hate you that means your doing your job.

    Answer by robinann5 at 10:03 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • She's saying it just to hurt you/make you mad.
    Be happy you made it to 5 before you heard those words. My oldest was like 3 when she started shouting that at me when she didn't get her way. I just ignored her or I would make this huge scene pretending to cry and moan that she hates me until she would start laughing (or get upset that she made me cry, lol). It last about a year and then she quit saying it because she knew she wouldn't get the reaction she wanted from me. Now when she says stuff like that (she's 9 now) I just tell her I don't like her much at that moment either (she's a pain to deal with).

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:51 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • i cried myself to sleep the first time my son said he hated still bothers me but it's just something that comes with the territory i think. but they don't mean it they are just mad at us for some reason lol but in the end they will realize that they love us and we love them

    Answer by cleo2582 at 12:22 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • yes, mine have done it too. i think every kid has tried this at least once. please don't take it so much to heart cuz i know how you feel right now. so this is what i've done to handle this situation...i told my daughter the next person to sat "i hate you to me or anyone else in this family will be grounded for a week." i know that sounds extreme but that's the point. Tell your daughter like this: we never say " i hate you" to anybody in this family!! we are family and we love each other. it's okay to get mad at someone but it is never, ever ok to tell your family that "i hate you". do you want me or daddy to talk to you like that??? this will get her thinking......and even if it does not. repeat your firm statement that nobody is ever allowed to say that to anyone in your family. good luck and best wishes. hope this helps.

    Answer by lunarlady at 2:18 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Don't take it to heart. And don't dwell on it. You know, I'm sure if you think about it, you'll remember a time when you said it to your mother. Honestly, it didn't bother me the first time my kids have said it to me. I knew they were angry, and that was the strongest way for them to express it. So, take a deep breath mom, your baby is trying to find herself and is using an inappropriate means to do so.

    Answer by Petie at 12:34 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Kids this age are still learning how to handle and deal with their feelings and emotions. When they say "I hate you", a good thing to do is acknowledge her feelings and let her know you love her.
    "I Hate You!"
    "I'm sorry you feel that way. Are you feeling angry or sad?"
    "I don't know, I just HATE you!"
    "I feel angry sometimes, too, and it's hard for me not to yell. What is making you feel angry?"
    "YOU! You're a MEAN Mommy!"
    "I know it feels that way when you're angry, and I'm sorry you feel like I'm mean sometmes. I love you very much!"

    (or something like that!)

    Answer by Ooftacat at 1:54 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

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