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Am I crazy, or does he just not get it?

I am not happy in my relationship. I haven't been for a long time. I don't have any romantic feelings toward my SO.

However, I love my family life - my house runs smoothly and efficiently, we get along well, our daughter is amazing...
But as far as "us" is concerned, I don't feel like we are even in a relationship. I feel like I have a roommate.

I tried to explain this to him, and he just can't understand how our relationship is different from our family.

Am I crazy, or is there a difference? And if there is in fact a difference, how do I make him understand that?

Answer Question
 
CarolynBarnett

Asked by CarolynBarnett at 8:24 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Most men don't have emotional ties like we do. They are logical and practical creatures. They think that two ppl living together in harmony is "family". Well it can be. I've lived with my x before for the kids and it was the closest thing we had to family but we had separate rooms and lived separate lives until I could save up and move out. Some men just don't get it. I'm sure he thinks your life is heaven! lol Women seem to want more; they want the emotional connection, the intimacy. Not sure how to explain it if he's never experienced it nor has a clue to what it is. I guess the choice is your's, stay and endure efficiency or find your Prince.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • don't try and explaine it to him, that don't work with men when it comes to "us" facter. I would just find the right time to sit down with him and tell him how you really feel speak from your heart but don't try and explaine anything cuz then you will just confuse him, just speak from the heart and maybe you guys can figure things out good luck
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 8:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Sounds like my relationship with my SO right now. I feel more like I have a room mate rather then a boyfriend. Wish I Had some advice for ya.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 8:32 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • I think love is more about your actions and how you treat other people.

    What you are thinking of as romance is those feelings when you are first in a relationship and everything is so exciting. For most people this fades and that's why people become unhappy in their relationships. It sounds like you get along with your husband OK and that's why you have been able to have a good family life.

    Some women read romance novels to experierence romance through books. Is there any way you could get romantic feelings again with your SO. Go on vacation?

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 8:50 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • There is definately a difference, but I believe that over time both partners get so "comfortable" in the situation that the romance just naturally leaves a relationship. It takes a LOT of work to keep the flames burning for one another. I also think that men are not as in tune to how we women feel about the relationship as we are. As long as we aren't complaining, they don't see anything wrong. I'm in the same position too. I guess bored would be a good word for it, but then again, I guess I should be thankful that he is here and taking care of our family though.
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 8:54 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Relationships and Men wow that's a hard one men just don't get it. I guess i just got lucky. If you two just have nothing there then maybe you two need to just take a weekend and see if the spark can come back into the relationship. If you can't get it back and your the only one working on the relationship to make it better then it's not gonna work. A relationship falling apart takes two to put it back togetther so see where he stands if you mention a weekend away and he looks at you like your crazy that there's no problems to fix then he is blind and needs to be told how you feel regardless. A relationship takes two people to keep it together at all times. GL
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 8:54 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • It was a year or so into our marriage that my husband said to me in amazement that I didn't seem to care about the car or the townhouse, that what I cared about seemed to be our relationship. It was an eye-opener for him. I nodded and told him that yes, this is what was important to me.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:08 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Ok, heres the deal. when it comes to your happiness or the childrens what would you prefer? most women now days think of themselves and the children come last no matter what and your trying to find your prince it so often leads to the wrong things. look at it like this my friend and his ex had the same issues she left him after her mother took her to meet up with her ex for a bday weekend they hooked up for like 3 months and they split because he wanted her to give up the daughter and start a new family with him. she then had 9 flings since 3 of which where drunken lesbian moments most were while the child was in the house and where spur of the moments. she now is with some guy that is the same age as her father and shes obviously unhappy with him. but she is trying to find that simpatico she had with her ex. but has dug such a hole that she will not go back to the ex bc she knows the resentment he would hold.
    jessiesosore

    Answer by jessiesosore at 3:21 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • so in all heres the final deal. if you want happiness. then show him what you would with anyother prince. hes a man he knows love by working and paying for things to him you having a house a car clothes food. and security is how he is showing you his intamicy and his connection he wants to be appreciated for what he does. you want flowers and candle light dinners he wants you to appreaciate what he does. is it so bad that he just wants to be a provider rather that a lover. someone that when your old and gray and he passes on to the next life. you can say i never had to worry about food or shelter , he always did what he had to do to make sure our family was never without what we needed. or would you rather say he rocked my world sure we didn't have much but you know what i always got off and the sex was great. think about it. i would rather have a guy who gave his life to providing for his family. not hugging me
    jessiesosore

    Answer by jessiesosore at 3:28 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

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