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please read this and add any advise support or even scold me if you feel nessasary, need as much help as i can get right now.

my hus and father of my 3 year old daughter has started using cocain and alcohol about 1-2 time a month. we have been together for 7 years since we were 14 and we have know that he has a problem since about 16 yrs old. he quit cold turkey the day i told him he will be a father. please concider he has been a great father to her, but has a problem he started again about 4 moth ago and i have been trying to help, well he used again yesturday and i i have left the house with our 3 year old daughter and told him i cant be with him no more and our dd cant either. my question is do you think it is selfish of me to still want to help him and i still love him that was the hardest thing i have ever done. i want him in my life and i want him my dd live to./ should i stay and try to help or is this a lost cause. will leaving make it worst or did i do the right thing. i have so may questions i hope i havent done bad for my family.

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mommommom1988

Asked by mommommom1988 at 11:48 PM on Jul. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (19)
  • I think leaving was a great thing because of your daughter. But still be there for him. He'll need helping getting rid of this habit. If he doesnt want your help, keep the door open and remind him you are there for him.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 11:52 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Sounds like to me you did the right thing. Your dd should not be around that. You can help him still even if you don't live with him. Maybe your leaving will make him realize he needs to stop. It is not selfish of you to want to help him, when you love someone that is what you want to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • Addictions are hard to get over, and its a lifelong struggle. I don't neccessarily think it has to be for good, but I do think that you are doing the right thing by getting away from him for now. Maybe he can recommit to your family soon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • i think that staying in the same home as him is a bad idea and it's a good thing you got your daughter out of that environment. i understand you wanting to help him, but he needs more than you can give. if he's willing to get professional help, then i'd say it's probably ok for you to stay in his life, at a safe distance, and offer your support. but if he's not going to get help, it may be best, and hardest, if you just leave him alone. make sure he knows the door is there, if he chooses to get clean and wants to be part of his daughter's life. but you can't and shouldn't expose her to him in that condition. it sounds like you're doing the right thing. stay strong and focus on your daughter. i know it's hard to leave someone you love, but you both deserve better!
    pugmama

    Answer by pugmama at 11:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • You did the right thing leaving!!!!! Your daughter comes first. And Daddy doing drugs is not good for her, no matter how much he loves her.

    You don't have to abandon him but don't okay what he is doing. Tell him if he wants you and that baby he MUST stop doing the drugs. Tell him to find a twelve step program and get his life together and then you and the baby will be back.

    Good luck! Don't ever doubt doing what you need to do to give your child the best life possible.
    TessLouise

    Answer by TessLouise at 11:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • It was the best decision you could have made, you can still help him if you want but you make sure its clear that DD is not going to be around that stuff, and if he love and respects her he will get help to stop, I have had addictions, and seen very close family with them as well as my sons biological father did cocaine and meth, he has never seen our son and I think its for the best, Much luck to you and if you need to talk pm me
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 11:57 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • You did the right thing, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped and maybe this will be the wakeup call he needs.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 11:57 PM on Jul. 11, 2009

  • my question is do you think it is selfish of me to still want to help him and i still love him that was the hardest thing i have ever done.


    No, it isn't selfish to feel that way, but you do need to stick to your guns on this. Leaving was the right thing to do.... Good Luck!!

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 12:07 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • you got the loser not your dd so why would she have to suffer more than you have already mad her suffer, my sons dad doesent have a job and i wont let him see his son i put up with nothing even if he was laid off its his fault and no oser ever be with my boy. so stop crying and move on i mean it all with love
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • A good parent won't do drugs or drink, especially not around their child. A good parent would keep their child as far away as possible from that, which is what you did. If he wants his family back, then he'll get help, and quit. I wouldn't go back until that happens. Also, keep in mind, that if the wrong person finds out that he's doing that around your child, you could lose her. It would take just one phone call to children and youth, and she'd be put in a foster home. I'm not trying to be dramatic or scare you, but you need to do what's best for your child (which it sounds like you are),NOT HIM!!!
    ginger813

    Answer by ginger813 at 12:19 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

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