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Infidelity, lies and the past!!!! (long..)

My SO and I have been having issues in our relationship with his "female friends". I have left a few times because I felt he continued to be disprectful and unwilling to compromise. He insist he has NEVER cheated on me, but he's lied and hid some of these relationships. The problem usually starts with me checking his email, cell phone, myspace and discovering things that I feel just shouldn't be said or shared between "friends". He talks pretty negitively about me and sometimes says stuff like " I miss everything about you" (this was directed towards his ex girlfriend, in which he took my two kids to visit without my knowledge) but wonders why I trip when I find things. He said that my insecurities are killing our relationship, and he--once again--has never CHEATED. I always discover new girls, and emails or text that are upsetting and I promised I wouldn't but he hasn't changed either. (con'd)...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:42 AM on Jul. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • He is right. Why would he tell you anything if you are going to be so irrational about it. He never gives you reason not to trust him yet you snoop. And when you find things that you can make issues out of you run with them. Men are allowed to have females friends. And if your actions are making him miss another female who's fault is that? You need to get over your own insecurities and stop killing your relationship. Love your husband and trust that he loves you. Relax and do what needs to be done. Stop wasting time. You obviously don't like the person you've become and neither does he.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 8:39 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • The messages say things pretty negitively towards me (to make him look like an ace father, when I do everything), once we wrote "I miss everything about you" to an ex (of 10 or 11 years) which is way over the line. He lied to me once about going to dinner with his friend Une and in fact he was goin with this female friend Megan, that I already disapproved b/c she is in love with him and found text talking about her chonch (pontage, etc ) and how good it way. He claims he doesn't tell because I am irrational and crazy and he says he can't help how they feel or what they say. The only reason I still check up on him is because he never tell me about them... Omission to us is the equvilant of a lie. He's always defensive but I agree that invading his privacy is the wrong way to go about it, but I feel otherwise I just wouldn't know the truth (also claims i'm immature b/c of this in our relationship). Advice please, WWYD???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • You can't be in a trusting relationship if you cannot trust. If you can't get him into couples therapy, you need to get some for yourself. Otherwise, you're likely to repeat this pattern over and over again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • It does not have to physical to be cheating
    Sounds like he is cheating in his heart and soul
    You have to make some decisions
    He is not willing to change and blames you=WRONG decision guy-he will lose you
    You are not the problem. he is insecure and needs verification from old flame
    At this point you are allowing it, because you have not removed yourself from a man that treats you this way.
    You and every woman, deserves respect and this is not respect
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 7:55 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Time to move on from this toxic relationship. Sounds like he's user/loser.
    You are worthy of more. Your children are worthy of more.
    SoKamele

    Answer by SoKamele at 8:18 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Remember, the best defense is a good offense. He is turning it around and blaming you for HIS actions so that, instead of confronting HIS situation you spend all your time defending yourself. Throw him to the curb.
    I had a boyfriend once who would dog me online to his mom, I found it by accident when I logged onto our computer and his IM messages popped up (he forgot to close the screen). I left him holding the lease the day after he got fired from his job.
    If I'm in a relationship, then that person better get my back or get the hell out of my way as I walk through the door. I want LOYALTY in thought and word and deed, not just deed.
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 8:23 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • OP_I really do appreciate your brutal honestly chrissy, very much needed. I do need to work on my own self. I do need counseling for sure i've tried for 5 years to change with no success, but let's keep in mind he needs boundries also otherwise this realtionship is doomed. I just don't want to be disprespected when I do so much for my family. I cook, clean, work, go to school and take care of the kids. I just want him to respect me and this relationship. And did I mention he took my kids to see some broad (that i've never meet, his ex) ??? I have to try and forgive and forget, but it is sooooo damn hard. How do I ignore my urges to check up on him?!?! I swear somtimes I feel like an emotional cutter regarding this matter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Jul. 12, 2009

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