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My nightmare of a situation. Input, PLEASE. (Long)

I don't even know where to start.
I am one of 11 children. We range in ages 34-14. I am 26.
We were raised in a very strict, very unconventional household. We were homeschooled, we had absolutely zero health care or socialization outside of the family. We were born at home, schooled at home, worked at's in the bible somewhere.
I left that hellhole when I was 18, went on to college, and just finished my MBA. Good for me, I know. Now, here's my problem.
My mother died 12 years ago and my father died in May. I have one minor sibling, the 14 year old. He's currently living with my brother, who still subscribes to the way we were raised. It was generally agreed that I would take him, and I did-but he ran away and went back 'home'.
He's lived in isolation his entire life and I'm currently in a large city. There's no doubt in anybody's mind (except his) that I'm the best place for him right now...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Jul. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • I'm sorry for this terrible situation, it sounds like you made it "out" and have managed to find a normal life for yourself! Good for you. It sounds like your brother wants to stay where he is at. Maybe you should just keep letting him know that anytime he'd like to visit or even move in with you he is welcome, and that way as he gets older if he decides that life isn't right for him he can try out another way of living. I hope it all works out for everyone. Good Luck.

    Answer by stepmom929 at 5:15 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Emotionally, living in the large city might be too much for him to bear. Is there someone else who can take him where he'd feel more comfortable, where he feels like he fits in?

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:15 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • I guess I am thinking unless he is being abused, then if he wants to be there than he should be left there. At that age the courts will listen to the childs opinion of where they prefer to live. I know you hate the way you grew up, but some of your siblings might not.

    Answer by VintageWife at 5:16 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • OP here...expanding.
    There is abuse in the family, but I guess the term is relative. The physical died along with my father, but the emotional is still there. And my brother doesn't have the resources to take care of him...we want to sell that house and just be rid of it.
    He only knows US. The only people he's been in contact with are his family, until the funeral when he had to meet new people...and he had a hard time coping with that. He also has an extreme aversion to physical contact of any kind that puzzles me. (My husband, children and I are very huggy!)
    My siblings and I all agree that he'd be better off here...

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Then you may have to do a lot of adjusting for him. I have agoraphobia and had to move to a small town (very quiet) to be able to function. Physical contact is a hard thing for me to deal with as well. Many times abuse and dysfunction leads to certain disorders. Time and patience seems to be your only choice. You could send him to me. I have teen grandkids and they are so cool. They are all protective of me without really knowing what's up. I homeschooled my grandkids. I'm functional but prefer isolation. I do very well online. So send him on over. He'll have his own room and his own world within the confines of a safe home. He wouldn't even have to talk to me, just email me his homework! lol. My point is, accept him as is and work around his issues. They are all perfectly normal for what he's been exposed to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

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