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does anybody know how to stop loving your soul mate?

in the process of a divorce. still very much in love with my husband, but we are no good together. our kids hate each other. he's probably an alcoholic but refuses to see it. i'm obviously codepent andthink i can save him from himself. all that he has done to me (too much to even begin) but i can't let him go. i've known him since i was 12. fate brought us together (after 3 failed attempts when we were younger) nine years later. we used to be super together in every way but then the "real" guy came out but i still cry everynight for him. help!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Jul. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • this is my vote for best answer, could not put it better
    No one ever said you had to stop loving him. Sometimes we just grow apart. I like the saying that ppl come into our lives for a reason and a season. Your season with him is up, that's all. It's still all good.
    that is d@mn good advice
    I do not pray much, but you are in my prayers tonight

    Answer by boredmom44 at 10:09 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • You can't forget or get over magically. Time heals all wounds, everything happens for a reason. You are not meant to be together and that sucks. It hurts. I'm sorry. But there is someone better that fate will bring you to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • I don't believe that love is an emotion that you just turn off and on. I truely believe that once you have loved someone, you never stop. But it is possible to move forward. It is possible to find love with someone else. It is ok for you to still love him, but that doesn't mean you have to be WITH him. If he's toxic for you and your children, then you can't be together. Remind yourself WHY you can't be together. And as time passes, it will get easier.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 9:40 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • THe matters of the heart are not something that can be reasoned with. You love who you love, but you choose who you are with. So he isn't good for you or your kids and you have made the desicion to leave for good. That is a heart breaking step. As perivous said there is no easy way. The good comes iwth the bad. I am sorry. Stay busy with constructive things, volunteer, get involoved iwth the kids activities, hang out iwth you girl friends. In time it wil hurt less and you will find you fall alseep better. Big hug to you.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 9:43 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • No one ever said you had to stop loving him. Sometimes we just grow apart. I like the saying that ppl come into our lives for a reason and a season. Your season with him is up, that's all. It's still all good.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:51 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • It takes time to get over a true love. I was with mine (first love True love) for 3 years and we broke up and I thought I would never love again. I am now with a man that I couldnt love more because I give him all my love. funny thing is we met in 1993 and was friends I was married at the time but everytime I saw this man my heart would beat faster. Long story short I got divorced and ended up marrying him in 2004. Point is you can find another love. It may not feel the same as it did the first time but you will know when you find it. Good Luck!!

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 9:52 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • True love don't stop stop,for most ,true love get stronger and deeper. Who,knows,you two getting devorced, is maybe what yal need,if, its true love and not a dependency of each other,yal will find each other again,but, better than before,you both need healing,get counseling for you and your kids,and I hope he gets help.Good luck.

    Answer by lady-t3984 at 10:03 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • After doing some indepth reading on this subject. Soul mates. it is just a word. Because/ God changes our destiny with us (as you said you seem to be odds right now) . So perhaps it is just while you are on planet earth , you have troubles. While for eteternity maybe/ no troubles show up and it is then you will be happy. But please do not let the devil have what Christ died for you to have. PEACE. Be with you and please find Alanon. (Believe me it helps.) It should become a class in school for all to learn and apply to their lives.

    Answer by happy2221 at 11:24 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Think of your children and ask yourself if you want them to mirroir your relationship and behaviour. Could you live with yourself if they did. AND they will unless you change things. You dont have to stop loving him just understand that you are in a toxic relationship, you cannot change him and you need to leave. A true soul mate is someone we can grow old with. The relationshi may not be perfect but you are easy together and destined to share life, happiness and joy. I don't think he sounds like your soul mate... just an abuser.

    Answer by mummylovebaby at 11:48 PM on Jul. 12, 2009