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Am I wrong?

My hubby snores. And moves alot in his sleep. Usually if he sleeps with me I am exhausted. He also scares me because he makes this gasping noise in his sleep and I check to see if he is breathing. Am I wrong to want him to sleep some where else? If not I get NO sleep. I have offered to sleep in another room but then he get upset. I feel bad but I need sleep too. I don't think it is fair for him to be the one who only gets sleep. It is hurting our life too. Any suggestions? He won't see the doctor. He thinks if he has sleep apnea it will make his insurance premiums go up. What about his quality of sleep? As he gains weight it gets worse.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Jul. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I would keep trying to get him to see a doc- sleep apnea can cause lots of health problems. But in the mean time maybe a box fan to drown out the noise?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • I have tried the fan. Does not work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • OK, this one is easier than it sounds. Snoring can be s soft-palate anomaly, it can be any one of a dozen things. I had the surgery and it changed me from an alto to a tenor, but didn't even slow down the snoring.

    There are links to indicate that people with rounder faces snore more, which may or may not be true. There is very strong evidence that then tendancy is inherited. My dad snored really bad and my grandmother snored really bad. My grandmother had a separate bedroom from my grandfather. My mom and dad had the same official bedroom, but mom often crept to the guest room.

    My spouse complained that he got no sleep with first few months of our marriage, because I snored and he couldn't get enough sleep to go to work. Since then, we have had separate bedrooms and our marriage is great. We have been married 25+ years and have two kids and replaced the carpet between rooms a few times.
    See part 2
    LeftBrainy

    Answer by LeftBrainy at 11:01 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Part 2
    The trick is that the person who snores has tremendous feelings of guilt and separation. I felt such anguish when I had to move into the guest room as a newlywed. I still feel guilty when I can't share a tent when we are camping. If I fall asleep during a TV show, the whole family complains and I feel awful. I still have the feelings of guilt and separation, but so did my dad and grandma.

    Convince your spouse that separate rooms only mean a good night's sleep. It also leave room for more amorous adventures. A good night's sleep makes one more apt to miss a snooze in favor of more romance. There is less exhaustion and a better sex life.

    Remember, he feels guilt and rejection over something he can't control. Reassure him.
    LeftBrainy

    Answer by LeftBrainy at 11:05 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Thank you... Nice advice
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • My husband has sleep apnea and went to a treatment center where they monitor him through the night. He does the same things you're describing. While he was at the treatment center, they noticed that everytime he gasped in his sleep, not only was he losing oxygen to his brain, but his heart stopped momentarily and they had to wake him up because it was pretty much like dying in his sleep. He is overweight which doesnt help at all, and I'm trying to work with him on that...But you're heart works harder when it stops periodically through the night, causing severe heart problemsand blot clots in the arteries. My husband now sleeps with the help of a C-pap machine, which is probably saving his life. They are expensive costing over $1600, plus the cost of replacing the tubing every month. If you dont have health insurance, you might be able to getmedicaid to cover the cost since it is considered a life threatening situation.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:14 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Drag, push, pull, him to the doctor tell him it's suicide if he dont go.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:15 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Also, the machine, mutes the snoring
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:16 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • try falling alseep before he gets in the room. or before he goes to sleep. my mother has sleep apnea and she has to sleep with a machine she is young only 40 so u can have it with any age. depending how much oxygen your brain isnt recieving , this is not safe to not know what condition he is in. he needs to figure it out, bc if his brain isnt recieving the right amount of oxygen, you could have a stroke, higher blood pressure, etc. it isnt safe to live tht way. money isnt as important as being healthy. and depending on what insurance you have your insurance should cover for the most of it! it is a bad situtation. i feel for you, bc i have to have all lights out, no tv on, and the fan on and extremly silent for me just to fall asleep. so keep nagging him to see a doctor. Best of luck hun
    SweetiePieAfWf

    Answer by SweetiePieAfWf at 11:20 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

  • Thanks guys for the advice. We have great health insurance. He still won't go. I feel horrible not being able to sleep with him. I have tried going to sleep before him but usually he wakes me up within a few hours. Then it is down hill from there. Once I wake up I have a very hard time getting back to sleep. I could care less about the money. He is too cheap.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Jul. 12, 2009

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